To the Heights: Responding in Prayer

Mt. Evans Chicago Lakes Trail near Denver, Co

There are so many ways that God reveals himself to us in our daily lives, it can be through the people we meet and see, the events in our lives and my favorite, through creation and the beauty we perceive. God in His infinite love for us, overflows with love for us, thus, using the simplest things (or not so simple) God radiates and reveals himself through the transcendental beauty and the created world...But what is this all for? 

Why does God reveal His love through those we meet, or those we have hard times with, or those sunsets and mountains? Why the "middle-man?"

The simplest answer is that He loves us. The other answer is that without those things, we would never really begin a movement and conversion to know and love God. If God revealed himself directly to us one of two things might happen: 1) We would never comprehend his Being, or his fullness. God is so great that it would be difficult for us to understand who He is and God knows this. Thereby, creating conceivable things that lead and reveal us to him. 2) If God revealed himself there would be no journey, no conversion and no meaning of life. We would have reached our end and our goal in attaining true knowledge and love for God.

With all this in mind, there are two realities that we have to face: 1) We are a broken people, therefore always needing of God's grace, love and mercy, and should always, always rely on His Grace to continuously shape us and lead us in the right direction. and 2) Life is a journey and it always will be until we reach those heights of Heaven in the end of times. This means that life will always have those ups and downs, there will be death, trial and temptation. What good is a conversion if these are not present? 

On Route to Pikes Peak Summit 

Mt Evans near Denver, CO

Brendan and I on route to Pikes Peak Summit
in Colorado Springs, Co 

All of that comes from knowing that God reveals Himself and His love through the beauty of the created world. So is that it? Are we supposed to just admit to ourselves that we are broken therefore need grace and then live the life roller-coaster through the good times, the bad and strive for conversion?...

I think there's more to it then that. By this love God reveals to us, Sure we should realize that we need God's help, and we should set on that journey to conversion, but with that, we should respond to that love of God in prayer. That is what will take us to the heights of the spiritual mountain. Saint Paul invites us, Jesus invites us, to respond to God's love in prayer, being fervent and zealous in our prayer life.

 "Rejoice always; pray without ceasing; in everything give thanks; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus." - 1 Thess 5:16

My Postulant brothers and I at the Incline Summit
near Colorado Springs, Co

With the love and beauty of God being revealed by beauty and creation itself, I have taken to heart the words of Blessed Pier Giorgio Frassati, "The higher we go, the better we shall hear the voice of Christ." and for me personally, I think he means this in both physical and spiritual senses. Physically, hiking and climbing mountains to see the beauty and love being revealed by God. This alone allows us to be a little more attentive and responsive to God than down at the bottom. Spiritually, if we are in prayer and in consolation, that is the joy of the heart while being in tune with and receiving God's graces willingly, we are in a sense "on a mountain." It's on that mountain that Bl. Pier Giorgio says, we will hear the voice of God. 

The importance is that we are listening, we are attentive, we are virtuous, and we are transmitting that love that is being transmitted to us by God. 

Chaos to Conversion: Detachment

Hermitage day at Our Lady of the Angels Friary in
Black Forest near Colorado Springs.

There's a story in the Gospels about a man who comes across Jesus, and so he asks him what it takes to inherit the Kingdom of God that Jesus so often spoke about. Jesus tells him that he should sell what he has, give to the poor and then he will have treasure in Heaven. The man, walks away sad because he had so many things. (Matt 10:17-30) I love this story in Matthew, because it reveals to us that there is necessary a physical stripping of ourselves if we really want to build that still-shaky relationship with God. Not only does our faith require a physical detachment but I think what the Gospel is pointing to is an interior detachment as well. Detachment from caring only about ourselves, from restlessness in our own hearts, detachment from all the noise and chaos within. It's a two fold coin and I think the journey through that process leads to a true, healthy and happy conversion.

As Postulants, my classmates and I do various ministries throughout the week. The two main focuses are with the homeless and the elderly. Both require stepping outside the comfortable box we're so used to and putting ourselves in the very shoes and life of the person. The difficulty is understanding what they need and recognizing how you can be there for that person even if that means thinking less of yourself and what makes you comfortable. So often the people that we serve end up serving us in some way and for me in my ministry, the beautiful thing that we [my brothers] recognize is that these people, who have nothing, still have so much to give. Homeless are asking me if I am doing alright, and if I need anything. Elderly who are dying and on deathbeds are asking me if I have eaten or if I am okay. I have found it ironic that those who seem to have no life, give the most of it. From that lesson, I believe that that's what the gospel is calling each of us to do. Give up all that you have, so that you can be so immensely open and free for God that you are able to give every ounce to those who need it the most.  The calling is to seek a true poverty that always leads us to love as Saint Francis did. With that two fold coin, I have outlined just a few things that might help you and me on that journey to the Kingdom of God when it comes to detachment. Here are a few things that might help battle the consequences of obtaining material things, contrary to detachment.

PRAY- Praying is conversation with God, it's also understanding that somebody greater is in control, and we can't fight the good fight alone. So recognize that every day is a struggle in the spiritual life, a continuous battle that can be won. Pray always even when you don't have the patience to pray, especially in the silence. Pray for help, pray for conversion and pray for the grace seek God above all other things. Join me in this petition.

GIVE THANKS- It's easy to forget about all the things we really do have when we're living in it. Like the saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone." So be grateful and never take life for granted. Be thankful for every circumstance and trial and show compassion to all those that you encounter, you might be the last person they have. Give your thanks to God by praising him and honoring him with talents and gifts. The greatest way of Thanksgiving to God is through the Holy Eucharist in the Mass. Join me in this petition.

In our natural born tendency to possess material things, I believe there becomes chaos in our lives, in our spirituality and therefore keeping us from really understanding and portraying a life of love and discipleship in Christ. For Saint Francis, once we knew that his own Chaos was preventing him from truly loving those people who needed it the most, he began living out the gospel, praying and praising God every moment of his life. It's the same for us, once we recognize our own chaos, there is a move and a desire for detachment with the help of God's grace. In our prayers, thanksgiving and praise we can begin a journey to conversion.

Saint Francis of Assisi, Pray for us

God our Strength: Hiding Place

There's so much going on in the world today, so much death, so much uprising, it's almost like the physical world is headed in the wrong direction and there isn't many options. With Donald Trump all over the news, Planned Parenthood, riots between races, court case news because of shootings in the world it's too much. There's no wonder why during commercial breaks there is always somebody who says, "What is this world coming too?" Not to mention sports and torn ACL's!

But in my reflection there is a parallel between the physical reality of everything going on and the spiritual reality. It's sort of like the world, full of disorder is depicting our own spiritual life, full of chaos. Chaos and confusion that leads us to doubt our own vocations, doubt God's plan for us and even doubt who we are. So much of our lives are full of stress and worry, or fear and anxiety. We're lukewarm in our spiritual lives!  So much, that there's no room for strength, or courage. The channels of peace and joy have been backwashed and taken over by doubt, mediocrity, fear, and ultimately death.

A few months ago I felt that about myself, I was struggling spiritually, there was chaos, and with that doubt and fear. I remember living those few weeks just going through the motions, not really striving for anything. All I did was enough to get by. I was in a grave, I was just bored of things that were going on. In my prayer I turned to God and what helped was his presence and I was able to  recognize that God allows all of this to show us, in a real intimate way, what it is that we really desire. The reminder is that there is a heaven that we can work for! There is a greater place and a relationship with Christ that is waiting to unfold. All we have to do is seek the help Christ gives us. Seek him, turn to him in his hiding place and the effects of that is endless grace and joy. With it we can never be bored, lukewarm, stressed, scared or bland. We can do great things with the Spirit, all we have to do is seek Christ and his loving shelter that he provides. So for any of my friends battling with fear, stress, worry, or sort of a "gray" spiritual life. Just remember that God has never left you, that he is our hiding place and by that we are strengthened by Him.


The prayer is now a song on my soundcloud titled, My Hiding Place. You can listen to here at the link below. My Hiding Place

The Dry Riverbed: Conversion

When we stayed at the Monastery in Pecos, one of the brothers had mentioned there was a beautiful grotto out on the north side of the mountain. All we had to do was walk there. Driven to find this grotto, my brother Felix and I set out on foot. We crossed the river by bridge, started our ascent up the mountain heading north. I remember being so energized and so confident. I thought for sure we would find the Blessed Mother. We walked through brush, big rocks, cactus, under trees and trudging our way through the forest ground we kept moving forward. As the sound of the running river grew distant, we still kept moving until we couldn't hear it anymore. It wasn't long before we ended up on a dry river bed still moving north. We followed on what was once a river for about an hour. we climbed over boulders, walked through sand and gravel. As we kept moving forward, I kept thinking about how this exact voyage was depicting my own spiritual life. 

 

Here I was hot, thirsty and out of breath [sinful] seeking the living water [God, Blessed Mother].

We walk further and further seeking happiness or consolation. By sin, we are in a dry river bed that is never-ending. There is no life, no plants, no color, no fish everything seems dull without the living water and that is what we seek. I remember looking back as I climbed up the riverbed, trying to imagine what it might have looked like with running water. We didn't find what we we're looking for, but we kept moving. Soon the confidence that we had in finding the grotto, turned into doubt so we turned back around. I think often we start out with confidence and then many times the goal isn't reached because of doubt. Doubt in yourself, doubt in God's presence and we turn around and give up. 

The reflection was amazing because three years ago I visited and had the same experience but in the running water. The joy is that we recognize that we should return and go back to the water that is flowing. Conversion from dry land to flowing water. The water that gives life and gives color. 

Pilgrimage: Santuario de Chimayo

This past weekend my brothers and I went on an official pilgrimage to sort of start the year. We would walk to the Shrine of Chimayo from Espanola, a town about 9 miles west of the "Santuario." We would stay in Pecos with Benedictine monks, praying with them and eating with them, there we would sleep. During the day we would either go up to the mountain and pray, hike around the monastery, rest or fish. It was a very quiet weekend for me and that is what stood out on the pilgrimmage weekend.
The invitation for me, was to return back to the silence not only in my actions but also in my prayer. Throughout the weekend we were praying, contemplating while at the same time still being open to the silence and the peace that is expressed through creation. The beauty of God is displayed in his creation and it was powerful for me to meditate on that.

Silence - the silence is required to cultivate a fruitful prayer, because if you are quiet then you are naturally listening. Listening to the silence means abandoning the noise of our lives. Read Psalm 46 and learn to be still in action.

Prayer - a conversation with God that requires interaction, participation and silence. It is more then just talking to God it is conversing with Him. He is listening to us, so we should listen to Him through the quiet and the silence.

Patience - Contrary to impulsiveness, it is the virtue of waiting, being still while at the same time trusting in God's plan. Saint Paul lists patience as one of the fruits of the spirit in Galatians 5:22.

These three have been the most obvious in my pilgrimage this weekend. It has been an invitation to pray in the silence and with that, I learned how effective and fruitful a prayer can be when it is nurtured by the quiet. There's a listening that is involved when we pray, because prayer is not just a way in which we talk to God, but rather it's a conversation. I learned that in the Silence is where prayer is formed. It's where patience is formed and so for me it was nice to be able to return back to that.

Marked with TAU (t-uh-owl)

As the beginning of our Postulancy year begins to pave its path in our discernments, my brothers and I are marked with the symbol of St. Francis. To start the year we are welcomed into the Franciscan Capuchin brotherhood as formees, thus the marking of the Tau.

The Tau cross is the last letter of the Greek Alphabet and began to emerge during the formation and conversion of St. Francis of Assisi. In fact, he used it as a symbol for his brotherhood by putting it in paintings and on walls where he stayed, he even traced it over his body before any of his actions. The Tau cross was a coat of arms for him and he used it as his symbol. In introducing his brotherhood and order to Pope Innocent III at the time, the reigning Holy Father proclaimed that while the marking of the Tau was a gesture and only for those who have committed to crucifying the flesh of their own bodies of sin and destruction and conforming their lives to the life of Christ by imitating his life and love.

The Mark of the Tau is a transformation from dying to the sin that once held us and rising to the new life of Christ. In a very real way, my brothers and I are learning to conform our lives not only to this brotherhood, but also to the life of Christ. The forming is within the very marking of the Tau, and also the conforming to new life both Spiritual; in prayer and meditation, and also the physical; adapting to the vows of poverty, chastity and obedience. The honor and privilege for me is being able to wear the signature of Saint Francis that very closely depicts Christ Crucified. The joy is that it allowed me to feel all the hurt that I had placed on Christ through the weight of my sin and I wanted to fulfill the mission of the Tau: To mortify the flesh of my own sin and be transformed not only by the message of the Cross but to the message of the Cross that is, to the life of Christ Crucified.

The Land from the Wall We've Built

It always seems like often times we forget that God exists in our lives. Like if all of a sudden we just get bored of his love and we turn to other things. It's like we think we know what is better for us and we abandon the love that is complete for a love that isn't. It's proof of how much we aren't able to completely understand his love for us, how I know because we turn away from it and forget about it. I'm always confused and I wonder with myself why is it that I love to put this brick wall between me and God. It's like a river dam that you just put there to stop all the water from flowing through the valley. Yeah, That's exactly what it is. We're either afraid or naïve of that love from God and so we try and block it off with this huge wall. We know how good it can be for us, we know how nourishing it can be and yet still, we want to try and contain that love because we don't see the good and joy it can bring. Thinking about it now I realize how much that is me in my own spiritual life, running from God's love, and hiding from His infinite goodness and sure happiness. 

I want to talk about this river dam for a little bit.
In our desire for happiness, somehow it gets twisted with the help of the devil and we end up turning to those things that we think bring us happiness. We desire good things so much, that we forget about the love that isn't visible (God) and turn to love that is (things). Because these things are visible, tangible and sensible to us it's good to us and we want more and more. Free pizza? yes please. Another beer? of course. Sex?...Oh yeah. All because it feels good, we can see it and touch it.. As Pink Floyd would say, All that is, is just another brick in the wall and by the time we know it we have this huge wall separating us from the perfect union and love with God. Now we can either do two things with this wall, we can pray that we are perfected through our faults, pray for the guilt to return to Christ OR we can walk away singing Tim McGraw's "I like it, I love it, I want some more of it."

In my experience, I found that during my "construction" of this metaphoric wall, that God was allowing it to be built. Does that mean God wants us to be separated from Him? not at all. But in my prayer and in my distress, I cried out to God because I felt that I had built a wall to big even for me to knock down. The perspective I like to look at is this: That God by his grace, instilled in me the desire to know His complete love. I saw where I was, I saw that the land I was standing in was dry and parched and as the Psalms say, "My body longed for you O God!"

The beauty that I find, is that God allows us to suffer in order for us recognize that there is a greater happiness that exists in Christ. By our sin, I think God allows us to recognize our own brokenness and through that, He shows us who we really are, what we really want, and He shows us what we really need. This is proof that we have a divine teleological call to true happiness! God in his infinite love for us, calls us to conversion and he calls us to remove the brick that hurts. Remove it through prayer, confession, and mass. If you think about the river dam, all it takes is for us to take out one brick, and that wall we had been building for so long will come crashing down. Remember friends, there is only one unforgiveable sin, and that is the sin that we don't confess. In order for us to move toward a true, holy, and perfect relationship with God we have to want that for ourselves and see the Good that is waiting.

God Bless

Friends: a call to Love

They say when you think of somebody your suppose to pray for that person, at that moment. Pray for their health, their well-being, their life, their struggles, that they may be lifted from whatever they are going through and that the Grace of God place in them a complete and total trusting in Him and His plan. More than likely it's a friend we might think about and I believe that happens because God knows how much of a friend we are or can be. If God is love, then that means he can see love. So we are called to love in our prayers all those people we think about, the dead or the living, our friends and family and in a bigger picture, humanity in general. But it isn't about just showing love in our prayers, it's about showing love through our actions and our words. Being there for people, being there for your friends, because we never know when that opportunity might be the last.

Early on I felt this call to love in the things I experienced in my own life. During high school, I remember hearing about a friend who had committed suicide in his own house. I remember feeling so useless when I found out, and so angry with myself because I had let opportunity slip from me, I had ignored the call to help and the call to love. I was torn just knowing that I had seen this guy that same night and the day after he was gone. That next week I remember telling myself everyday when I had woke, that I would care for each person that I knew, or came in contact with. I challenged myself from that week on, to care for and love everyone I knew.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus hints at a sacrificial love, an unconditional love that will soon redeem man and the world from all it's sin. He expresses that we are friends of God and because of that, we have an obligation to love and be there for each person with that exact same unconditional love.

"There is no greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." 

There is a call to this sacrificial love, the love that wants what is best for the other and not ourselves. Saint Thomas Aquinas says that love is to will the good of another. It's a call to be a brother or sister to your friends and be there for them, be present to them. He says there is no greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends, in other words, put the life you've been holding up for so long now down. There's a paschal message in this that we should die to self and care for those around us. In the world today where the message we hear from Jesus is clouded by a self-centered society, basically a what's best for me and what can I gain type of perspective. It's radical to think about another before ourselves, but that's the message of Jesus and that's the call and obligation that we have as people. Jesus says that we should love one another.

"I no longer call you slaves...I call you friends."   [John 15:12-17]

 

Jesus has called you and me out of the darkness of sin and slavery, he has loosened our bonds and calls us friends. He calls us to be friends with the same love that he has redeemed us with. In my mind it's a commissioning for us, to go out and be a brother or be a sister, he calls us to be a father and lead others out of darkness, or a Mother to care for those who have no one to care for them. Guys were called to be friends. I am reminded yet again of the call to love everyone I meet, I want to be a light for people and I want to lead them out of darkness not into it. I want to be there for them, and serve them not be served. I want to listen to them and pray for them because I am called to be a friend and so a friend I will be.

 

 

 







Rolling Our Stone

Christ is Risen!

Jesus has defeated death!

& the Glory of God is revealed to all people of every nation.

It's interesting, Jesus was put away in a tomb behind a rock that was keeping him from Eternal Glory. We all know the story, the rock is rolled away and Jesus is resurrected into heaven, defeated death by death, rose to restore our broken selves and repay the debt that had been due. I like the symbolism of the rock that there is in the story. It's a heaviness, a burden, some kind of distress or discomfort for us and just as Jesus rolled away the stone, we too are called to roll away our stone and remove that burden that is keeping us from a perfect relationship with Christ. What better example do we have than Christ who defeated death by pushing a rock aside. This means Christ is the victor, the winner and greater then any sin, any stress, depression, anxiety, loneliness, weariness, even doubts and fears! Jesus is greater and the message is clear to me, that He can fill those voids with the same spirit that conquered death.

Christ is Risen!

We are called to roll away the stone that keeps us from Christ, we are called to rise up with Christ just as He rose. To die to ourselves, go to mass, do the sacraments, be holy and be people of faith. The joy this Easters, is of course the resurrection of Christ, but also knowing that this resurrection leads to something great, it points us to heaven, a deeper reality of how we each are called to be and how we each are to live. The risen Christ, sends us a message to love as he loved, to die with him and rise with him to take on a new life.

Good Friday: Dying with Christ

Christ in his love for us, gave himself up for the world, so that we might live. He became obedient for us even unto death, death on a cross. By his wounds we are healed and by his rising we can come to know new life in him. Today Jesus is arrested, tried, condemned, scourged, crucified and buried. It's a death that neither of us can imagine. And to think that it was for us, should restore faith in ourselves, confidence, hope and love. Faith that we are loved by the Father, confidence that we won't find content in the world, hope that we can look and seek the Father for help and love that we can share to all. The gospel for today is from Romans 8 when Paul is speaking about dying before we can ultimately rise. For us experiencing this Holy Week, we share in Christ's passion and death, and "If then, we have died with Christ, we believe that we shall also live with him." Sharing in this passion and death for me has been a reminder that we are not bound to sin, or bound to fear, worry and shame but born to strength, courage and hope. We die to our old selves, and rise with Christ to take on our new selves. The people and Christians of good faith we are called to be.

So today, we remember not only Christ death so we can live, but also the call for us to die to our own selves.