It always seems like often times we forget that God exists in our lives. Like if all of a sudden we just get bored of his love and we turn to other things. It's like we think we know what is better for us and we abandon the love that is complete for a love that isn't. It's proof of how much we aren't able to completely understand his love for us, how I know because we turn away from it and forget about it. I'm always confused and I wonder with myself why is it that I love to put this brick wall between me and God. It's like a river dam that you just put there to stop all the water from flowing through the valley. Yeah, That's exactly what it is. We're either afraid or naïve of that love from God and so we try and block it off with this huge wall. We know how good it can be for us, we know how nourishing it can be and yet still, we want to try and contain that love because we don't see the good and joy it can bring. Thinking about it now I realize how much that is me in my own spiritual life, running from God's love, and hiding from His infinite goodness and sure happiness. I want to talk about this river dam for a little bit.
In our desire for happiness, somehow it gets twisted with the help of the devil and we end up turning to those things that we think bring us happiness. We desire good things so much, that we forget about the love that isn't visible (God) and turn to love that is (things). Because these things are visible, tangible and sensible to us it's good to us and we want more and more. Free pizza? yes please. Another beer? of course. Sex?...Oh yeah. All because it feels good, we can see it and touch it.. As Pink Floyd would say, All that is, is just another brick in the wall and by the time we know it we have this huge wall separating us from the perfect union and love with God. Now we can either do two things with this wall, we can pray that we are perfected through our faults, pray for the guilt to return to Christ OR we can walk away singing Tim McGraw's "I like it, I love it, I want some more of it."
In my experience, I found that during my "construction" of this metaphoric wall, that God was allowing it to be built. Does that mean God wants us to be separated from Him? not at all. But in my prayer and in my distress, I cried out to God because I felt that I had built a wall to big even for me to knock down. The perspective I like to look at is this: That God by his grace, instilled in me the desire to know His complete love. I saw where I was, I saw that the land I was standing in was dry and parched and as the Psalms say, "My body longed for you O God!"
The beauty that I find, is that God allows us to suffer in order for us recognize that there is a greater happiness that exists in Christ. By our sin, I think God allows us to recognize our own brokenness and through that, He shows us who we really are, what we really want, and He shows us what we really need. This is proof that we have a divine teleological call to true happiness! God in his infinite love for us, calls us to conversion and he calls us to remove the brick that hurts. Remove it through prayer, confession, and mass. If you think about the river dam, all it takes is for us to take out one brick, and that wall we had been building for so long will come crashing down. Remember friends, there is only one unforgiveable sin, and that is the sin that we don't confess. In order for us to move toward a true, holy, and perfect relationship with God we have to want that for ourselves and see the Good that is waiting.
God Bless
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