Jesus Comes Down

Wednesday here at the university marks the midway point of the week, so the monastery offers Student Mass for anyone in need of some typical "Jesus time" or just in need of time to get away from the normal student life hustle and bustle. Today it was different, it was a beautiful day from start to finish, fresh and murky in the morning, then warm and humid in the afternoon. Towards the evening, the rain clouds start to roll in, an by the time we knew it, it was raining an hour before our normal student mass. Then 20 minutes before it was thundering, and lightning literally every 20 seconds. So I get dressed and ran down to the Abbey Church. As we were having mass, I remember thinking of God and how he is so powerful and almighty. During the consecration, as the priest raised the host, a thunder in the distant struck, and then it moved to be this soft, gentle sound all the way until the host was lowered. As the priest did the same for the cup, it was again, this soft and gentle thunder that struck, the lights dimmed in the church and then lightning rumbled until the cup was lowered. As the priest bowed behind the alter, tears came from my eyes and I knew, that Christ who is so big, so strong, almighty, and powerful still yet makes himself lower than our own humanity to be consumed to us, whom he loves. It's a very Christological view, that God accepts and respects our humanity enough that he would come down for us, and take on this humanity. I was in mass, thinking of all of this. I was Eucharistic Minister for mass and I remember it being so silent, and so quiet that I heard no thunder or lightning for the entire communion. It was like Christ had made himself not like us, but lower than us to be consumed by us. It was the most amazing thing I have ever experienced in my life. It helped me realized that no matter how big and strong God is, he still has the power to make himself like us no matter what. He has done it before, he can do it again. I think we have this notion in our heads to be fearful of him. When we fear God it ain't a bad thing, when we hear in the bible for us to 'Fear the Lord' that means for us to be afraid of being separated from God. In that manifestation God comes down to us, to be united with us, and forever with us.

Your Love, Your Family

When you see somebody for so long, so many hours out of the day, you start to get use to it. It's like you start to expect that person to show up everyday wherever you are. Part of human nature is habit, so when the time comes to go and do your own thing, to try something new and break that original habit guess what? It's quite an adjustment you can imagine. I guess for a colleague it can be tough for some of us, we leave the people that we have basically grown up with our whole lives to try and be somebody and do something with the lives that they [Our Parents] have given us.
Two days ago, September 18 was my dad's birthday. I called him up and we talked, I told him happy birthday and that I loved him. He started asking me how I was doing, if I needed anything, to be responsible and that sort of thing. What stood out was his emphasis on love and prayer, he told me to pray for all those that I hurt or all those that hurt me and likewise love them. As we were talking, I tried to visualize him talking to me like if he was there in front of me, looking at me straight in the eyes like he always had done. Being away from home, It is a lot easier to listen and take to heart the words that he speaks. It's almost like you wish you had a tape of everything he tried telling you, so you can just pop it right in, push play, and just listen, listen for hours and soak it all in.. I always think of my family when I'm away from home, sometimes it can be a scary thought because anything can happen while your away, good things, bad things, horrible things and even the most amazing things. I hate to think of any of those bad things happen to any of us or of our family members but when I do, for some reason it is proof to me of what I am really called to do. Those thoughts fuel my passion for my vocation, it makes me strive to be above the average person. It's weird not seeing people around telling you what you should do or what you can't do. They have been with us all our lives and now it is different for us. The prize in this, is that we are called by God through all that we miss, to love them even more and respect them even more than what we normally have. It is an invitation if you think about it, to love our elders, our parents, our friends since it was them that really, truly loved us first.

With Time, Comes Decisions

Well, I'm starting another long yet adventurous year here at St. Greg's. It's already my junior year and I feel like I don't really remember much of anything. The first year I was here I was so grateful and so excited that I enjoyed everything about this place. My second year I had a lot of fun, learned a lot of new things about communicating to different people and having the will to make new friends when you left the old ones from back home behind. Now it's...well...Now, and it feels like everything is moving too fast to even decide what I'm really suppose to do. I guess when times flies, you know your having fun. I always believed growing up that through time comes, you know, a lot other things. So here for my junior year at a Catholic school with the intention of graduating with a Theology degree gets me pretty excited but even like wandering about it too. But like I said, With time comes decisions, I like that one better. I have to say, I'm excited for the new year. We have a bunch of freshman coming in, new names I've never even heard of in my life, it'll be fun. My brother, Nick will be tagging along with me now here. It's great to have a little piece of home with you, while your away. So It'll be good, I'm looking forward to it.

Beautiful Colorado

It was great to get away from everything that consumes you for once. My family and went to Colorado for our vacation to stay with some family. It was great, We had a lot of fun, laughs and great food. I'm just going to go ahead and make Colorado my official favorite state. Even though I haven't see the others, so far this ones my favorite. Just for a couple reasons, it's always raining, it's beautiful, and God surrounds. Through the mountains, the blue skies, the landscaping, it's amazing to witness and be inside or in the midst of all of it. One of the days, we decided to take a hiking trip up a mountain. It took a couple of hours to get to the top, look around and come back down. But it was exhausting, and pretty tiring for us, especially the little ones. I tried to maintain myself and not lost my breathe or sit down. I wanted to get to the top of the mountain so I can see everything that is around the one that I was on. We took breaks, took pictures, and stood up on rock faces. Even though we were tired, we kept moving, and everytime we had the chance, we would climb up the nearest rock face look out and see a world that is vast, and full of unknown colors. It's beautiful to see and give thanks to God for creating the world he did for us. It's amazing and full of wonders that God wants to reveal to us every single day.

Like the Water Flows

For a long time, I felt like I was being held back. I was weighed down and tied up, tied up by what? It was my guilt, my sin, and my shame. I had gone to confession before but I felt like it wasn't enough. During my stay in Pecos, I remember sitting there in prayer for a really long time, I prayed long and hard that I be forgiven from all my faults, It was hard because I had to look deep inside of myself, and finally look at what it was that was keeping me from being a fully, functioning Christian. When I think about it now, It's like I really doubted the Mercy that God offers me, I never knew what it meant to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. All I did was stare into the eyes of a man who was given the vocation to resolve me from my Sins with the help of God, and then I would leave and pick it up, right where I left off. That kills me, that kills us. By the state of Original sin that was given to us, it's natural for us to sin, it's in our nature and always will be. However we shouldn't take the Mercy of God for granted and that's what was hard even for me to comprehend.
I was standing in the river there at the Monastery and I remember being so cold and so covered that It was so hard to walk and move. The wind blew up against my back and sometimes I would lose my footing beneath the current and plunge into waist high waters. I began to think of all the sin that I had brought with me and how likewise, it was the same. So heavy, so cold and keeping me unable to move, sometimes scared to keep moving forward because with all that weight you don't ever know if you'll go deeper with it all and drown or sometimes become carried away by the water that is pushing you.

I thought..

Even like the likewise, we push Christ away by our actions, we knock him down and repeatedly keep him from getting to where he would like to be with us. It's almost like our sinful nature allows us to be like this, like the water, where at one point, we become so strong and in favor of doing whatever we want to do. At the same time, I thought of how just like that raging water, and raging sin, so too, is the Mercy of Christ with us. So strong, so full that it's like a giant river that is cabable of covering anything, no matter how big or bad of a past we have. That same water, that brings us down and pushes us around, is the same water that lifts us up and holds us high.

When I returned home, that analogy has stuck with me ever since, and I wrote a song about it.. Remember, no matter where you've been or where you have gone, our God is a kind, loving and merciful God. Like the water flows, so does his Mercy. Here's the video link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNxB5XJ9vQM&feature=youtu.be

Pecos, New Mexico 2012: Mercy Undeserving

This past weekend I went on a mission trip to Pecos, New Mexico to visit the Benedictine Monks. It was a 4 day retreat for the Lifeteen and it went pretty well. We learned a lot about the silence and how it is where our souls are at their best ability in finding Christ. We learned how in Silence, really the only thing keeping ourselves from Christ, is ultimately ourselves. We worked there at the Monastery voluntering to clean up some of their fields, buildings and gardens. It was a great time off, out of the world, and into our hearts to slow us down for self examination. For me it was rejuvenating, to serve once again, what I, what we are called to do.
Before the trip, I knew I had to make it to confession just so that I would be in the right state of mind when I went. So I went, and nothing really changed for me. Deep down inside I wanted to feel like I was forgiven, but honestly, I felt like I was just the same as when I walked in the confessional. I doubted God's mercy, and his forgiveness. Throughout the trip I tried to work when it was time to work, eat when it was time to eat, and pray when it was time to pray. In reality, it is a very hard thing to do, just to keep a balance of life is hard and I fail at it every single day. The first night we had confessions again, and I felt the need to go and just re-examine myself one more time before I went. So I did, and for the second time, I doubted again the mercy that God grants us, I doubted his presence and his forgiveness. But just like the last time, I was putting it inside of my head that I was forgiven and still somehow didn't feel like it. The next night we had the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed, everybody prayed, and I remember feeling so immersed, so focused on the Eucharist that no matter how hard I tried, I could not look away, I was so attracted and so relieved that at that instant, I felt the inner presence and mercy that God had given me. It was like a strike of a match, that was all there, It just needed that initiative to spark the flame. When the retreat was over, we got our rocks and through Divine Providence, I got the word 'Mercy' written on mine.. I think my devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary helped me understand and see that, without her intercession I don't think I would have been revealed the true Mercy that God offers for us. It helped me realize that no matter how useless you feel, no matter how unworthy you feel, God still finds a way to forgive us, no matter how much we done against him, no matter how many times we have turned our backs on him he still finds a way to call us back and pour that undeserving mercy into our hearts.

Brother Lead Me

My brother Nicholas, finally graduated from High School. That's right, class of 2012. I remember like it was yesterday when I was in the same spot, walked the same stage while he was just beginning the same path that I had took. All our lives, we spent our time following each other around waiting for the other to take initiative and take the lead. I can't say it was me but, my brother too. I believe that when you follow someone, your actually leading another and that's what it was about. Leading the people you love, no matter where they end up when it's all done with.  I think of the story of Moses and the Israelites, how he led those people out of Egypt, how he was so set on doing what he had to do that he did whatever it took to get the job done. For his family, his sisters and his brothers. I think we're all called to lead in some way or another. Some ways might be different than others, but we all have brothers, we all have sisters, and a family who needs our help. Congratulations to my little brother, who even though is younger than me is still in some way older than me. Congrats.

I Am Third

After Student mass I felt the need to pray in the presence of Jesus. I was kneeling before the tabernacle, humbled, in fear, and just worried. I remember the only thing I was worried about was myself. I kept asking for my own spiritual guidance, my own renewal, just my own things, beings selfish. When I thought I had asked for everything I needed I got up, knelt before the tabernacle and walked my selfish butt over to my friend, who had just walked in the church. He seemed troubled, like something was bothering him. So I asked him if he was alright, he shook his head no and looked at the ground. He told me his grandpa had been put in the hospital and might not make it. At that instant, I realized that my first priority should be worrying about other people and not myself. I realized I shouldn't be first, because God is. I shouldn't be second, because other people are. I am Third.

Alternative Spring Break

Spring Break these days is all party if your my age. Most of my friends head over to Padre Island, Florida beaches, Galveston Bay and have a good time. This year I decided to take a trip with the school to New Orleans for an alternative Spring Break trip. I thought it would interesting to return to the City where my calling and vocation was first initiated to me in 2006 when I visited to help rebuild the city after Katrina. So I was anxious and eager to start working and satisfy the desire that I've always had to serve people who truly need help. However during the trip, I didn't feel the same about my service, something seemed to be missing. We worked only two days out of the week and I was disappointed in myself, in the group, just the outcome of our work. In my reflection I started to see something greater. I started seeing that service isn't just about working and breaking a sweat. It isn't about standing on a 30 foot ladder tearing down an entire plastered ceiling. It's about just being there for the people, for the kids, and for the city.
Our main objective while we were there was just being present to the kids and showing them that there is other places that care, and show respect to them. Where we stayed was a rough rural area in New Orleans where the homes of these kids are mostly influenced by drugs and the business of drugs, and just violence. So we were there to show them that the home they live in, is not how the world is outside of home. I took me a long time to realize that just being present to the kids means more to them then anything in the world. They might be young but they do have feelings. It was sad when we left, all they kept asking us is if they would see us the next day and help them with their homework. When you told them no, we weren't gonna be back, they would just get this sadness in their heads and lower their shoulders. It was sad to see, but since they were kids they would soon forget and run around again, just like if they knew that they wanted to make the time with you last.

The American Dream

Today I met up with a friend of mine while I was walking to dinner, we crossed tracks and walked together towards the cafe. As always, I asked him how he was doing and how is day was going and, as always, he said "Yeah, I'm good" in his deep Japanese accent. Shinya, whose a communications major here at the school had the overwhelming task of memorizing the entire "I have a dream" speech given by Martin Luther King Jr. on Aug 28, 1963. As we were walking, I soon realized it was the longest walk to the cafeteria I had ever taken, but as we were walking I told him to show me what he's got. So I grabbed his paper, and waited for him to start the speech that he would soon say in front of the entire school. He muffled his voice, and began...

 ...

He began with strength in his voice, and his chin up high. He had the same stagger and monotone Dr. King had the day he gave his speech. Turned out Shinya had studied Dr. King's voice and speech so well, that he nailed every pause, every exaggeration and emotion that it had me amazed.

Shinya Continued in his slow Japanese accent...

       "And so even though we face the difficulties of today and tomorrow, I still have a dream. It is a dream deeply rooted in the American dream.

I have a dream that one day this nation will rise up and live out the true meaning of its creed: “We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal.”

....

"I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.

I have a dream that one day even the state of Mississippi, a state sweltering with the heat of injustice, sweltering with the heat of oppression, will be transformed into an oasis of freedom and justice.

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character.

I have a dream today!"

...

As I was following along with the paper in my hand, I began to think of an amazing reflection and revelation in my head. It was like Shinya was ambassador for all people of this nation who have been abandoned, starved to death, mistaken, lost with no where to go, hungry, cold and homeless and in need of shelter. I listened, and just pictured all these people in my head crying out the exact same thing "I have a dream" the dream to be free, to be healthy, the dream of an American dream.