For a long time, I felt like I was being held back. I was weighed down and tied up, tied up by what? It was my guilt, my sin, and my shame. I had gone to confession before but I felt like it wasn't enough. During my stay in Pecos, I remember sitting there in prayer for a really long time, I prayed long and hard that I be forgiven from all my faults, It was hard because I had to look deep inside of myself, and finally look at what it was that was keeping me from being a fully, functioning Christian. When I think about it now, It's like I really doubted the Mercy that God offers me, I never knew what it meant to receive the sacrament of reconciliation. All I did was stare into the eyes of a man who was given the vocation to resolve me from my Sins with the help of God, and then I would leave and pick it up, right where I left off. That kills me, that kills us. By the state of Original sin that was given to us, it's natural for us to sin, it's in our nature and always will be. However we shouldn't take the Mercy of God for granted and that's what was hard even for me to comprehend.
I was standing in the river there at the Monastery and I remember being so cold and so covered that It was so hard to walk and move. The wind blew up against my back and sometimes I would lose my footing beneath the current and plunge into waist high waters. I began to think of all the sin that I had brought with me and how likewise, it was the same. So heavy, so cold and keeping me unable to move, sometimes scared to keep moving forward because with all that weight you don't ever know if you'll go deeper with it all and drown or sometimes become carried away by the water that is pushing you.
Even like the likewise, we push Christ away by our actions, we knock him down and repeatedly keep him from getting to where he would like to be with us. It's almost like our sinful nature allows us to be like this, like the water, where at one point, we become so strong and in favor of doing whatever we want to do. At the same time, I thought of how just like that raging water, and raging sin, so too, is the Mercy of Christ with us. So strong, so full that it's like a giant river that is cabable of covering anything, no matter how big or bad of a past we have. That same water, that brings us down and pushes us around, is the same water that lifts us up and holds us high.
When I returned home, that analogy has stuck with me ever since, and I wrote a song about it.. Remember, no matter where you've been or where you have gone, our God is a kind, loving and merciful God. Like the water flows, so does his Mercy. Here's the video link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dNxB5XJ9vQM&feature=youtu.be
Catholic Soup is a food for thought blog based website designed to provide Catholic insight through personal experience.
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
Like the Water Flows
Labels: Adventure, Christ, Confession, Conversion, God, Mercy, Mission, Music, New Mexico, Reflection, Sin, Video
My name is Br. Vincent Mary Carrasco, my friends call me Vinny. I graduated with a Bachelors in Theology and currently in my first year of temporary vows in formation with the Capuchin Franciscan province of Mid-America studying at St. John Vianney Seminary. I enjoy blogging and bringing out the greater message and bigger picture in life. I have always had a passion for helping those people who have no one to help them. One of my favorite things is seeing someone joyful and happy because of the work or joy that we bring. In my experiences, I give catholic insight, prayers, reflections and thinking that help me grow in my own faith. I hope you enjoy it.