Let God Enter, Let Him Love.

A reflection for World Day of Consecrated Religious:

Today, Jesus is presented to the altar of God in the Temple. This comes at one of the weakest times of Jesus' entire life. He’s not able to speak for himself, he can’t walk. He’s a baby, young, physically weak, and completely vulnerable. I think the state that Jesus is in can help us to understand what it really means to be presented to the Lord, to be consecrated to the Lord even in the frailest, weakest, most vulnerable times of our imperfect lives. 

It's clear that God seems to be very particular with who he calls and who he anoints. As you know, there’s a common theme with the Lord calling the weak and the vulnerable. You might say that God has a knack for picking the ones who seem to be less capable. But he chooses them precisely so his Glory can be revealed, making the words of Isaiah ring true -- "He gives power to the faint, abundant strength to the weak." (Isaiah 41:29) He chooses the poor, the broken, the hurting, he chooses the lesser - those who cannot love themselves.

"He gives power to the faint, abundant strength to the weak."   

-Isaiah 41:29

The fact is that we are all imperfect people. We are all weak in some way, vulnerable, hurting and broken. Like many biblical figures, we doubt the person that God can help us become. We are afraid to love God and afraid to love ourselves. We are in fact, afraid of our own tendency to love imperfectly. But there’s hope because as a people of faith, we are called to re-enter into a relationship with God, to be re-consecrated, and re-presented to Him. That means accepting the love of a God who perfectly loves our imperfections. This does not mean that God is okay with our sins, and shortcomings; rather, that He loves us despite of them.

"We are in fact, afraid of our own tendency to love imperfectly."

As I was reflecting on my life as a consecrated religious, I began to think of my journey as lived inside of a large church. At the front of the Church, there is the sanctuary and Jesus awaiting in the tabernacle. Throughout the course of our lives, we position ourselves at different parts and places of this massive church. Some days we might be at the very front, in the sanctuary. We are praying every day, going to mass, doing all the right things and we feel God present in our lives. Other days we might be in the very back of the church, in the very corner, far away - maybe even outside! Sometimes we are hiding on the sides, ashamed and afraid to be seen. We are not concerned with what is happening in front of us. Or, we are in the middle, in the safe-ground. Not too far upfront and not too far in the back. We're comfortable with where we want to be and that's that. We are satisfied with being in the middle ground. "This is my spot, this is where I sit, I'm good, I don't need to do anything else, I am here."...Perhaps this is your life, moving from pew to pew. Regardless, wherever you sit, God is asking of one thing; he's asking for your heart. For your presence. And one thing is certain, we have to approach the altar in order for us to give it freely. Come up and re-present yourself to the Lord with open hearts! Lift up your hearts! Lift up your doors. Just like the psalmist says:

"Lift up! O gates, your lintels; 

reach up, you ancient portals,

that the King of Glory may enter!”

I have found that the greatest freedom in consecrated life comes from opening up the gates of everything that I am and letting God in on it. As the prophet Malachi puts it, there will come a day when the Lord will come and sit in this temple and refine and purify his servants. Jesus would like to purify and refine you. You are that temple, and Jesus wants to transform everything that you don't like about yourself, those imperfections, all the sins, the flaws, the fears, and insecurities - Jesus wants to purify it. For the consecrated religious, we are presented to the Lord in freedom, resting in the sure hope that He will make himself known in the midst of every imperfection and weakness that we know we have. Out of love, we surrender ourselves, we cease any resistance and simply let God love.

"...in order to profess a life consecrated to God, I have to first profess that I am human."

I’m very blessed to be able to look back on the life that I’ve lived as a consecrated religious and see all of the incredible ways that God has been present to me. The people, the places, the ministry opportunities, everything has been an adventure of faith and it would have never happened if I had not given God permission to love what I could not. It has occurred to me that in order to profess a life consecrated to God, I have to first profess that I am human. That means admitting to myself that I don't have all the answers, I don't do everything right, I'm not a perfect human being and because of that, I need God. We need God.

It doesn’t matter who are you, what you’re doing, or what you have done. I can promise you that the Lord today is asking for your heart. He wants to replace all of those imperfections with love. Today we're called to receive God, to be re-consecrated to God, to be re-presented to God. Let Him Enter, the King of Glory.

+ Br Vince Mary

The Mountain Journey of Prayer

The following is from a recent presentation given to a local youth group on Prayer & Friendship with God.

Mt Princeton, Elv. 14,197

It’s evident within the life of the Church that prayer has been around for quite some time now. It’s not a new thing, nor is it perfected in any particular way. Since the beginning, it has involved connection, intimacy and unity with God. Take a look at some of the prayers from Old Testament figures like Moses, who cried out to God on behalf of the people he was leading out of slavery. Or David, who desperately asked God for help in the Psalms. In these prayers, emotion and affectivity is portrayed. Sorrow, intimacy and longing is what many of these figures went through and for them, that was a prayer. Now the Church has many different types and expressions of prayer that can help one grow in grace and relationship with God and every one of them is a great thing! Prayers of Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving or Service (ACTS). There’s blessing prayers, petition prayers, intercessory prayers, the list goes on and on…Religious orders have different expressions of prayer that fall under their charisms. Vocal, meditative and contemplative are the most common. What I’m getting at is that prayer is not a walk in the park. It involves work and it involves presence. It doesn’t matter which type or expression fits you best, if its done without any intention or whole-heartedness then we are preventing our prayer from being the fullest expression that it was meant to be. 

So what should happen in prayer? What’s necessary?

I remember one Monday morning one of the brothers came up to me. He was tired, looked exhausted, and as he was looking around for something to eat for breakfast, he turns to me in his thick Ethiopian accent and says, “You know, Monday is like climbing mountain” There’s truth to that, and I think the same can be said about the prayer life. Similar to climbing a mountain, It involves work and sweat. We have baggage, things that should be thrown out along the way. We experience doubts and fears, even temptations to turn around. But in the midst of it all we are being led to a peaceful, serene and breathtaking place where we are able experience the sublime presence of God: the Summit

What I’ve noticed throughout my personal experience of prayer is that it really involves four components. Without these four things, my prayer life is nothing. Think of climbing that Monday-mountain.

Window Rock, AZ

Longing

Our prayer life should involve a type of longing. We should desire a unity with God with all our hearts. We should long to see God face to face on this mountain journey (Deut 5:4). The psalms use the word ‘longing’ as something necessary or vital for us, like a thirst that needs to be quenched; the deer that longs for running water in Psalm 42. By longing to experience God we also make it clear that we want to experience what will give our souls true fulfillment and completion. This is only found in God and the longing for that encounter is the start of every prayer. If we aren’t longing for God in prayer, it can be very easy to dismiss ourselves. At that point prayer becomes a ritual where we get in, do what’s necessary and get out. We go through the motions, say what needs to be said and leave. It’s true that God can also work through that, but part of longing for God in prayer is also recognizing that God longs to be with us.

Ascent

Br Joe and I hiking through Kenosa Pass, Co in the Fall of 2017

By ascent, I mean a movement of the heart and mind. There’s an emotional investment involved and it’s more than words. In fact, St. Therese of Lisieux writes that for her, prayer is a “surge of the heart”. The Catechism says that prayer should be a “rising of one’s mind and heart to God” (2559). Even our very own Capuchin Constitutions describes prayer as the “breathing of love stirred into life by the Holy Spirit through whom the inner man begins to listen to the voice of God speaking to his heart.” (Capuchin Constitutions 45.1) Our prayer life needs to be an ascent toward Christ. This part of the mountain journey involves time and perseverance through pain, struggle, weakness and doubt. In order for us to make that ascent in prayer, it requires constant care, effort, faithfulness, dedication and strength. Remember, you’re climbing a mountain! it’s not going to be easy. It involves the work that St. Paul describes as praying unceasingly (1 Thes 5:16). During this ascent, we begin to realize our flaws, our imperfections, distractions become apparent, we struggle, and because of our fears and doubts we are tempted to turn around and head back. We want to check out of prayer completely. The crisis is that in the suffering and pain that we experience, God appears not in anyway present to us, we lose sight of his love, his faithfulness and we stop praying. The solution is perseverance, constant use of the sacraments, patience in prayer, time in prayer and again, remembering our longing to experience God. This leads to the third.

Br. Alex and I at the Gore Range Overlook just outside
of Estes Park, Co

Honesty

It’s important to pray with honesty. Be honest with God in your prayer and be honest with yourself. Take a look at your fears, the things that bring you shame or doubt and present that to God in your prayer. Take it to Jesus. Take it to the Cross. Honesty in prayer is about recognizing your own brokenness, admitting to it and allowing God the time to transform it. The beauty is that God knows everything that is on our hearts, He knows us through and through. But just like a father’s love, He gives us the opportunity to come to him on our own. An honest prayer, is being able to own up to our imperfections with humility. Sometimes that means admitting to ourselves that we need the help of God each and everyday. God wants us to be able to turn to him in our every need. He wants to enter into those voids and heal everything that keeps us from a prayerful relationship with him. At this point in the journey, it would be easy to give in to the voices that remind us of our brokenness. Those voices tell us that because of our imperfections and flaws, we will never be accepted nor can we ever be loved. We become dissatisfied with ourselves and we let that determine our worth. But that’s not true! God is a God of mercy who seeks to transform every one of those imperfections that we see in ourselves. All we need is to be honest, be humble and let God in on those sufferings in prayer. Honesty in prayer is where we find our identity in Christ. That discovery comes by allowing God to shed light on our lives, and admitting to the pain in our lives.

Presence

Presence in prayer is about allow God the chance to reveal himself. It is being completely immersed in the workings of God in the now. I like to compare this part of the journey with the experience of finally reaching the summit of the mountain. In that moment, you feel victorious, confident, a sense of freedom and invigorating peace. God asks us to remain there and completely surrender our distractions. It’s there that we unpack, we encounter, and experience God by simply recognizing God in our stillness (Ps 46:10). God asks that we be present to him in prayer, that we recognize his presence in our lives and whole-heartedly allow him to reveal himself to us. During the transfiguration, after Peter, James and John had experienced the glory and dazzling brightness of God, they were completely moved by the experience that they didn’t want to leave (Lk 9:28-34). In our prayer life, we should have the heart of Peter; totally moved by the presence of God that we desperately want to prepare a tent for Him within our hearts, begging him to spend the night. Recognize God’s presence in your life, and prepare a place for him to remain. God wants to reveal himself to you, he wants to speak to you. By being present in prayer, we are surrendering to the workings of the spirit and the life of grace. This takes patience, endurance, and total trust in God’s divine plan. Essentially, remaining in the presence of God in prayer is about awareness, recognition and seeing. It is recognizing with the heart, that the spirit of God is alive and active in this moment, and in this place.

Basically, what I’ve come to understand about my own prayer life is that it requires a certain type of longing; a longing for peace, maybe answers, a longing to be always united with God. It also involves an ascent of the heart, mind and soul; like incense rising up, it needs to be a movement that perseveres through any doubts or discouragements, it needs persistence. Thirdly, prayer should be about honesty with myself, coming to terms with any imperfections; an element of affective prayer that can help unveil our identity in Christ. Lastly, prayer demands a whole-hearted presence, one that involves surrender and seeks an encounter with God by reflecting on the ways he is present in the now. Try these out next time you're in prayer. 

+Br. Vince Mary

Jesus the Good Shepherd

“I am the Good Shepherd, says the Lord; I know my sheep and mine know me.”

In the Gospel of John we are given beautiful insight into the life and role of Jesus as the Good Shepherd. Not only does Jesus lead us but he walks with us, guides us, anoints us and never abandons us. This image of the Good Shepherd is a reminder for us to experience the living, relational God, the Emmanuel God who is always with us.  The challenge is that we have a tendency to forget that what God has told us from the beginning as true. Jesus depicts us as the sheep of His flock for a reason. We are so easily led astray and it isn’t soon after that we feel God is the one who left us. Today in the Gospel reading of the Good Shepherd, Jesus reminds us that no matter what He will always be there for us and a part of our lives as much as we allow Him.

Many times in my encounter with the poor, the homeless or the distressed, there comes a cry that begs for the care that only the Good shepherd can give. One recent experience I had with a man named Tee in the nearby park was a very life giving moment. After seeing him a few times in the year, we always talked for long periods of time and almost always he expressed to me that he needed help, spiritual help. He said he felt alone and abandoned by his friends, his family and in many cases felt abandoned by God. I remember telling him that God never leaves us; He is always with us even when it feels like He’s not. He began to cry as he reached out for a hug; it was a beautiful moment because it was so simple. All this man needed was somebody to tell him that He was loved, that God was with him and it shattered his own thoughts of abandonment and cleared his day.

The unfortunate thing is that so often we are confound to believe that we aren’t worthy, that we are alone, that we should be ashamed, and afraid so why bother? There might be so much going on in our lives that in the mix of all the chaos and feelings of rejection we begin to think that we have no help, and that God is not even around to listen so why even bother to pray? These are the thoughts that are alive in our society and sadly it is part of the division that is present in our world. It’s what the evil one wants: to separate us from perfect union with God.

Today the Good Shepherd reminds each of us, that He is there at the moment of our suffering, in our darkest night. This union is a time to hear his voice, the voice of the Shepherd that accompanies us out of love. Jesus the Shepherd calls us to move out of those thoughts that tell us we are alone and move into the comfort of his guidance. It is a reminder to move into a life of sacramental grace by returning to His care and renewing our baptismal promise. Jesus knows us by name; He cares for us and loves us. He will always find us if we have strayed and even then will He hoist us up on his shoulders. Not only are we called to be the sheep of the Shepherd’s flock but we are also called to be Shepherds of Love, leading all to know the true Shepherd. May we come to know Christ the Good Shepherd, the God who walks among us, and never abandons us. Amen!

The Land from the Wall We've Built

It always seems like often times we forget that God exists in our lives. Like if all of a sudden we just get bored of his love and we turn to other things. It's like we think we know what is better for us and we abandon the love that is complete for a love that isn't. It's proof of how much we aren't able to completely understand his love for us, how I know because we turn away from it and forget about it. I'm always confused and I wonder with myself why is it that I love to put this brick wall between me and God. It's like a river dam that you just put there to stop all the water from flowing through the valley. Yeah, That's exactly what it is. We're either afraid or naïve of that love from God and so we try and block it off with this huge wall. We know how good it can be for us, we know how nourishing it can be and yet still, we want to try and contain that love because we don't see the good and joy it can bring. Thinking about it now I realize how much that is me in my own spiritual life, running from God's love, and hiding from His infinite goodness and sure happiness. 

I want to talk about this river dam for a little bit.
In our desire for happiness, somehow it gets twisted with the help of the devil and we end up turning to those things that we think bring us happiness. We desire good things so much, that we forget about the love that isn't visible (God) and turn to love that is (things). Because these things are visible, tangible and sensible to us it's good to us and we want more and more. Free pizza? yes please. Another beer? of course. Sex?...Oh yeah. All because it feels good, we can see it and touch it.. As Pink Floyd would say, All that is, is just another brick in the wall and by the time we know it we have this huge wall separating us from the perfect union and love with God. Now we can either do two things with this wall, we can pray that we are perfected through our faults, pray for the guilt to return to Christ OR we can walk away singing Tim McGraw's "I like it, I love it, I want some more of it."

In my experience, I found that during my "construction" of this metaphoric wall, that God was allowing it to be built. Does that mean God wants us to be separated from Him? not at all. But in my prayer and in my distress, I cried out to God because I felt that I had built a wall to big even for me to knock down. The perspective I like to look at is this: That God by his grace, instilled in me the desire to know His complete love. I saw where I was, I saw that the land I was standing in was dry and parched and as the Psalms say, "My body longed for you O God!"

The beauty that I find, is that God allows us to suffer in order for us recognize that there is a greater happiness that exists in Christ. By our sin, I think God allows us to recognize our own brokenness and through that, He shows us who we really are, what we really want, and He shows us what we really need. This is proof that we have a divine teleological call to true happiness! God in his infinite love for us, calls us to conversion and he calls us to remove the brick that hurts. Remove it through prayer, confession, and mass. If you think about the river dam, all it takes is for us to take out one brick, and that wall we had been building for so long will come crashing down. Remember friends, there is only one unforgiveable sin, and that is the sin that we don't confess. In order for us to move toward a true, holy, and perfect relationship with God we have to want that for ourselves and see the Good that is waiting.

God Bless

Joys of a Failure: The Guiding Goodness

With my job here in Denver as an Emergency Assistance Adviser, I help those in need pay down their bills, specifically rent and utilities. One of the things I see the most among my clients is a down, stressed, worried face, the face of failure. So often they are in tears coming into the office because of the burden they have of paying off bills, or debt. I always hear "life is tough" and "it's tough out there."

 In my mind it has to be tough.


Life has to be hard, and we have to go through those rough times of suffering and pain. The beauty of suffering is knowing that it prepares us for something greater. Life has to be tough or else what would there be to gain? Saint Rose of Lima once said that if we knew the value suffering has, we would pray for it. The philosophy over this is great to think about because it reveals to us that through our pain, our struggles, our burdens and worries we can understand that Heaven, the greatness and goodness of all Beauty and Glory, is real.

Look at the world for instance, we can agree that there is goodness in the world. A concrete goodness like the air, the water, the land and even our hearts that supply blood by way of the veins throughout our bodies. But more fundamental, I think what else is good is our personal ambition and our success, otherwise we wouldn't strive to do good. Face it, there is a desire for success and as rappers Biggie and 2pac would say, "Get Money."

Humanity throughout the course of history strives for success. We strive for that perfect job, we strive for that perfect relationship and that "dream home." For those in third world countries it's called "El Sueno Americano" or the American dream. The fact is that goodness, is always moving for the greater, we see this because we are always striving for something greater, for something better. Notice that there is never enough money, never a nice enough phone, or (and I love this) never a final Apple Product that tops them all. The beauty is that because of this desire for permanent Goodness, there has to be something that IS greater then all the rest otherwise, there would be an infinite regress of good things. This is Heaven, with perfect unity and relationship with God the father who is the primary Goodness. That continuous desire for goodness is a call to Heaven, a call to holiness and perfection.

But why the struggles? The answer to me is that we need those struggles and pains to strive for something better. It should be a reminder for us to learn to seek goodness, not only earthly goodness of success but Eternal goodness of holiness. Struggle prepares us, pain prepares us and teaches us what we are really made for, that is Joy and peace with our Father in Heaven. I'm reminded of getting burned as a kid, I didn't know what I was doing, all I knew was that it hurt and I wasn't doing it again. I wish I can say that from that moment on I walked away from the stove telling myself that fire was hot and you know what maybe I'm not suppose to be in the kitchen.

The joy, is that on our journey  to success there will be failure and times will get tough, but if its not tough how can we be molded? I like to say when the journey is tough, the destination will be great. If we can see how God is working in our lives through the suffering and through the trials, there will be an awakening of our own spirit, to strive for that goodness and seek true happiness by virtue and holiness. Today, being the feast of St. Thomas Aquinas here's a perfect quote.

"Man's beatitude or happiness consists in this: to see God through God's essence." -Saint Thomas Aquinas

Workers of the Kingdom: The Beggar Builder

Building the Kingdom of God is such a vague phrase that I think a lot of times we're confused by it. For me questions start coming up like, how? and with what? It's like all of a sudden I'm looking for the new employee orientation signup sheet. Ok, maybe I should of took a construction class or two or watched dad while he was working extra closely. It's easy to miss the point, as you can already tell. In my reading, the life of Saint Francis can help us learn alot about building the kingdom, but not just building, we can learn how to rise up, and when to sit down. When we sit down, we instinctively listen, when we stand, it's a movement to get things down. A good worker knows that he can't get nothing done when he's sitting down, but it's good to sit and it's healthy to listen. St. Francis, was a builder, he was called to build not only himself, but the kingdom of God through the restoration of his own innerself. Which I find interesting. He was a beggar-builder. In his early conversion, St. Francis, lessened himself entirely so that he can build up. This came by placing himself in the dark and quiet caves. He would pray for hours at a time in the dark. Despite his lifelong desire to become wealthy and an honorable knight, amazingly, he abandoned all of that and placed himself at an even lower rank. First, francis sat and listened, he placed himself at the foot of the cross, inside an old shrine, the church of Saint Damian. Over the years the church had been neglected, run down and even worse, it was falling to pieces. It was here that Saint Francis of Assisi would pray before the crucifix. As Francis knelt before the cross, a voice came to him and said, "Francis, do you see that my church is in ruins? Go and restore it for me." That moment St. Francis rose, and did what he could to repair the broken church. Not only was the message a message of rebuilding, it was also a call to leave the things that he cherished so much and rebuild internally, and then outwardly from that. Francis would rise up and place himself among the lowest of the low; a beggar he would become, but not only a beggar but a new kind of beggar that asked for rock in order to build, rather then bread to satisfy himself. When we hear about the lessening of St. Francis, the message for us is to place ourselves at the foot of the cross, abandon those things that we want and listen to what God wants of us. We are each by our very nature, called to build up the kingdom of God. The Lesson from St. Francis is to put ourselves down first, in order that we build up. Sit down, pray and be silent even in chaos. Asking for bread in the sense of fulfilling what is good for ourselves, we are turning to the very needs of our own. By asking for rock, as Francis did, we are also asking God to provide us with everything necessary to build and fulfill his mission placed in us. But the kneel down is not easy, especially for a man, it's like asking for directions when your driving--guys just don't do it. But with this kneel down, this lessening comes all sorts of things, suffering comes, uncomfort, challenges and even changes that we might not be accustom to. The Joy is that all those things need to happen so that we can be made builders and workers for Christ. As a beggar builder, we are called to lessen ourselves, place ourselves below the rank of others and build up from there the Great Kingdom that we are called to build.