A Shepherd's Love

Some years ago, while I was about 16 my father had his own little ranch back behind our home. It was a pretty big piece of land, one that grew lush green in the spring. When it rained, the water all gathered up at the bottom of the valley. My father had sheep in his land and every morning he found one who was victim of the wolves who visited the night before. This happened a number of times, finally my dad came to us as a family at the dinner table and asked me an my brother to join him in sleeping in the barn to scare away any predators. That evening me an my brother packed up sleeping bags, pillows and blankets for our little adventure we would be having. I remember the night being so calm you could hear the wolves howl in the distance. The sky was so clear that the stars could be seen for miles. That night we slept on the roof of the barn inside a huge cardboard box so we could shoot the wolves from the top. As the night went on, the storm clouds grew closer an closer, it started to rain, an thunder shook the ground. As the sky lite up from the lightning, crashing and popping only got louder and louder. After a few minutes, our cardboard shelter was ruined and we were forced to climb down inside. By the time we got inside the barn we were all soaked. All I remember is falling asleep from being so tired that night. Using the sound of a thousand drops of water every second to make me fall asleep. When I woke up to the rain hitting my face, I remember seeing this huge black figure with arms stretched out looking down on me an my brother, with a blanket in hands to block the rain. Protecting us, an doing everything possible to keep us dry. It was my father. He had sacrificed his whole night sleep to protect us. Ironically, it was his sheep that he was sacrificing, but his sheep he was protecting. Just like my father sacrificed himself for us, so does Christ right? Of course, God sacrificed his only son so that we could have eternal life and I think that alone is amazing for us to understand. It was out of love that he did that, out of compassion and its great to know God was thinking of us at that time.

I think its only fair that I share the ending of this story even though how inspiring it is.
The "Wolf" we were looking for turned out to be our family dog that killed the sheep
And...
The rain never stopped, it got harder and louder. We ended up running home in the pouring rain, laughing.

Just a Walk

The season of Lent is finally here, a time of repentance, a time of noticing our sins and making a commitment to change them. The season of Lent calls for a time of fasting to focus more on prayer and the continuous conversion that we have. This year I am trying to only eat one meal a day, and two small meals. So far It's working good. It makes me more grateful then I have ever been with the food that I eat. I was so happy to eat such a tasty meal. It made me see what I have, and what others don't.

The bible says that Jesus is led into the desert by the Holy Spirit after he is baptized in the Jordan. He is led for forty days and forty nights to a place that is dry. No water, no food, no animals, no shade, it is a place of sorrow and sadness. The desert is a symbol, just as the Cross of our Lord is a symbol. With the cross, we are called to carry it, take it up, and engage in journey with it. The journey carrying the cross is not easy, we will fall, we will experience pain and suffering but in the end it is all worth it. Same thing with the desert, It is not going to be easy to walk in the desert, Our goal on the other side of the desert is not going to be easy, we are going to be tested, tried, tempted.

I was sitting in Mass today, and I just felt drawn. I didn't know what to, I didn't know what for. It was just like a calling deep inside, I wanted to just close my eyes and sit there in the presence of God. I closed my eyes and felt so comfortable, so relaxed and so warm. It felt like I was at home, like when you have nothing to worry about, nothing to think about. Deep inside I know that God is with me where ever I go, even when I feel he is not, he is. It seems like God knows me so well that he just wants me. He wants me for whatever it is that he has planned for me. Lately I have been moving from his own plans, but I can feel his tug and hear his call. This is my desert, It isn't going to be easy, but with God, It's Just a walk.

Heavy Heart is now Light

Today I went to confession before student mass. I felt like I needed to go, because I felt so heavy, everywhere I went I felt like everything I did was heavy. when I would walk up the stairs to get to class. I felt Heavy and I couldn't make steps. The books I picked up seemed heavy. I became out of breathe, and tired, I felt almost like I was carrying a weight on my shoulders that is unbearable, like I was carrying a cross or something with sins and acts I have committed.
After confession, I felt very relieved, I felt like this path I am walking has been made so much easier and with so much more guidance. For my penance, I was asked to pray for a change of heart, soul and mind. So I can find a deeper calling to God's will for me. I think I should write another song from it:

Change my heart O lord.
let it be lifted

Change my Soul O lord.
let it be renewed

Change my Mind, O lord
let it Glory in You