St. Conrad of Parzham: the Holy Porter

On the edge of the Rott Valley in Lower Bavarria was a German-Christian family, fourteen strong.  Of the twelve is John Birndorfer, the second youngest of the bunch.  John, now known as Saint Conrad of Parzham, was born on December 22, 1818 and was the first German saint to be canonized after the reformation.  At a young age he experienced his share of trials and sufferings within his family and the Catholic Church. Both his parents suffered from the Napoleonic Wars, his mother died at the age of fourteen and the Church at that time was becoming more and more secularized. Germany was losing its Catholic identity, seventeen Catholic Universities had been shut down and twenty-two dioceses in the country were reduced to just five. 

                Still in the midst of all this chaos, John remembered the strong teachings handed down from his mother. He prayed rosaries, attended confession and received communion as often as possible. Soon there came a point when he was discerning religious life. To his surprise, his confessor told him to visit the Capuchins saying, “That’s where you belong.” Thirty-one years into his life, John taking the name Conrad, went through the same doors that he would be opening for the rest of his life. On October 4, 1852, the feast of Saint Francis, Conrad professed and consecrated his whole life to God and the Capuchin Order, thus entering fully into the Order. Saint Conrad was assigned Porter for the friary. For forty-one years Saint Conrad was faithful to his duty as a Capuchin brother, he remained calm and patient with everyone he received.  He opened not only the door of the friary, but also the door of his heart to everyone he met. Saint Conrad came into contact with so many people that he was able to experience the glory and misery of the world. Often getting up early, sometimes two or three in the morning, he would open the door to children and mothers, the poor and the homeless, the hungry, the sick and even the unemployed. He was opening the door to Christ in his own eyes and because of that he gave his heart with compassion to everyone.

As we celebrate the life of Saint Conrad of Parzham, I think we can gather a few things when it comes to being a doorkeeper of our own hearts in relationship with Christ our Savior. As Conrad was faithful to his work, he opened the door for many; he opened the door for the weak. We hear in the gospels that Christ himself dwells in those people! 

"Truly I tell you, Whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me." Matt 25:40

The call for us is to open the door of our hearts, to let Christ enter for a dwelling but also, so that He can change and renew us from the inside. The effect of this is that we remain always with the Father and the Father in us.  

The call for us is also to greet the Lord, to give him our attention and undivided hearts. Just like Saint Conrad, always listening and never growing tired of his ministry, when we greet the Lord we are turning our hearts to Him with a desire to listen to what might be said and of course, with a willingness to speak! Let us greet the Lord.

I think that lastly, the final message from the holy porter is to see the Lord. See the Lord in the world despite the violence and chaos. Find glory in the weaknesses of the world.  Saint Conrad found Christ in each and every person he opened the door to. He sought the Lord in Heart, mind and soul by opening the door of his heart. 

Saint Conrad of Parzham, Pray for us

Saint Francis: Convert amidst the Darkness

In order that we might know Francis’s life and his sanctity in a way that attracts and stirs, we are given a beautiful description of what he experiences and goes through, specifically in his conversion. Francis, growing up in the time of civil war, wrestles with his service and his ego. He asks himself many times it seems, “Whom should I serve and how should I serve?” For him early on, it was his country that he felt he should serve through knighthood and being recognized by honor and fame. From the very beginning God placed in him this desire to serve. God fulfilled his perfect will by having him serve by becoming a lesser brother, taking on the clothes of the outcasts, living with them and caring for them in such a way that becomes attractive to many. During his conversion and transformation from being this loud, rowdy leader of bandits, he was called to more than that. He was called to be a quiet, calm and prayerful father for those who wished to follow his own radical way of life. We are told that Francis was a builder before he was a brother. He built churches as a response to God’s call; little did he know that while he was begging for rocks instead of bread and building churches, he was also building within him a home for Christ to stay in. Francis exemplified this in his life. He won the hearts of those he spoke to, and people wanted to follow him. I think they saw within him a love and a peace that was attractive and desirable. When he preached penance, people saw joy. When he gave to the poor, he gave freely. People began to listen to this sunny prophet who preached redemption to sinners and to sad hearts the secret of regaining joy and gladness. So many people were brought to the light of God by his humility, charm and uniqueness that men wanted to follow him. Francis, robed with a beggar’s garb, was designated as a guide. Some thought that a new form of religious life had been born; and disciples eager to follow it soon presented themselves.So he had brothers. A major part of his conversion was his solitude, contrary to that of the world, he prayed and experienced great conversion of heart in the darkness and in the caves. This area of Saint Francis' conversion can give us hope in today's world. While many times we experience the darkness of our days and our world, the greater aspect is that through that darkness lies a conversion very similar to what Saint Francis experienced. Places like the cave or in those times of silence and solitude is where Francis was formed and heard clearly the very voice of God and it can be the same for us. 
There is a fire to follow, but more importantly I think it has left me with a challenge to live like Saint Francis did. That is loving as best I can, in servicing as freely as I can and in being as joyful as often as I can. All three it seems are vital traits to adopt while responding to a Franciscan calling. In love, Francis loved his brothers and companions and also those he served. I think they recognized this rather quickly. In service, it seems that father Francis placed himself at the needs of those who were without. He did it willingly and obediently knowing that it was God whom he was serving. In joy, I have read that Francis was always in the spirit of joy, even in suffering, because of this he encountered God in the most ominous circumstances. To end, may there always be a movement toward these virtues that are the very charisma of the Franciscan spirituality. 
 

Mission Juarez, Mexico

Taken outside of Don Pedro's home, community members
joined us in the work.

Centro Mujeres Tonantzin A.C.

When we first crossed the bridge to enter into Mexico, I was surprised to see so different a culture and environment. It was almost instantly, so different that it was hard to believe the US was only about a minute back the way we came. It's a different way of life. We traveled 11 hours to a very poor part of Juarez, a small community called Anapra just northwest of Juarez. We were hosted by a community of woman from Centro Mujeres Tonantzin, a center of faithful people that are dedicated to help the people of their community by providing for those in need.

Don Pedro sitting outside his home

They build better homes for people, install efficient bathrooms, corrals for animals, gather for prayer groups and meals all in the spirit of good Catholic faith and witness. While we were there, the community came together to help an elderly man with his home nearly in ruins. He had a one room house made out of wood, a dirt floor, a few pots and pans, a bed and a small wood burner to keep him warm during the cold nights. Our mission was to build this man another section in his house. With the frame for the new section already installed, we started right away. With a few guys building a wall out of tires along the side of the house, a few reinforcing the frame inside the house, and myself on the roof, there were many helping hands on the site. We mixed cement, poured cement, shoveled tons of sand, painted the inside of the house, cut wood, moved tires, carried buckets full of water, and added plywood, made a door, and even had electricity installed. The very last day we all worked together to put up a new bathroom house. We dug out a hole and used pallets for the walls. With everything finished up we took a few last pictures and blessed the new home. Don Pedro was a happy man, his house was warm inside and I think that our work for him will have lasting impact on his life and for me to be apart of that makes every strain and sweat worth every bit.

a four foot deep septic hole,
how I ended up with this job I'm not sure.

The home of Don Pedro, with his new
bathroom on the left

a picture of the cement mixing crew

The new wall made out of tires that was put up
duringthe week, taken during the sandstorm

Some of the children we met during our trip.

I was really inspired by the wealth of the people, it clearly wasn't the kind of wealth that we have here in the US but a spiritual wealth. It was a different wealth that gave that inner happiness and inner joy. In my reflection I thought about how much I have, how much I have taken for granted those things that other people want so much like my freedom or inside bathroom. Here the people have so little that crime is hardly a factor because there is nothing. Yet, their possession is faith, their wealth is Christ. I could tell very quickly that these people are rich in Christ and for me coming in from a country that has so much. It made me want to be rich in Christ and poor in possessions. The people really made that life desirable because they have so much joy and happiness, even the children. Visualizing that happiness for myself really allowed me to examine myself and what I have. Things like possessions and desires, even my vocation. I think that there has been new light on my vocation, light that lets me see once again that desire to serve God's people no matter the circumstance. It allowed me to have a new motivation and fire to continue on a journey that requires me to be poor in desires and wants yet rich in Christ the King.

I am grateful for my formation directors to have set this trip up. I am grateful to have gone and experienced the very life and faith of these happy people. I think that witnessing their joy despite their troubles leads me to answer my calling even more faithfully and actively. Shout out to all God's people man!

Friends: a call to Love

They say when you think of somebody your suppose to pray for that person, at that moment. Pray for their health, their well-being, their life, their struggles, that they may be lifted from whatever they are going through and that the Grace of God place in them a complete and total trusting in Him and His plan. More than likely it's a friend we might think about and I believe that happens because God knows how much of a friend we are or can be. If God is love, then that means he can see love. So we are called to love in our prayers all those people we think about, the dead or the living, our friends and family and in a bigger picture, humanity in general. But it isn't about just showing love in our prayers, it's about showing love through our actions and our words. Being there for people, being there for your friends, because we never know when that opportunity might be the last.

Early on I felt this call to love in the things I experienced in my own life. During high school, I remember hearing about a friend who had committed suicide in his own house. I remember feeling so useless when I found out, and so angry with myself because I had let opportunity slip from me, I had ignored the call to help and the call to love. I was torn just knowing that I had seen this guy that same night and the day after he was gone. That next week I remember telling myself everyday when I had woke, that I would care for each person that I knew, or came in contact with. I challenged myself from that week on, to care for and love everyone I knew.

In the Gospel of John, Jesus hints at a sacrificial love, an unconditional love that will soon redeem man and the world from all it's sin. He expresses that we are friends of God and because of that, we have an obligation to love and be there for each person with that exact same unconditional love.

"There is no greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends." 

There is a call to this sacrificial love, the love that wants what is best for the other and not ourselves. Saint Thomas Aquinas says that love is to will the good of another. It's a call to be a brother or sister to your friends and be there for them, be present to them. He says there is no greater love than this, to lay down one's life for one's friends, in other words, put the life you've been holding up for so long now down. There's a paschal message in this that we should die to self and care for those around us. In the world today where the message we hear from Jesus is clouded by a self-centered society, basically a what's best for me and what can I gain type of perspective. It's radical to think about another before ourselves, but that's the message of Jesus and that's the call and obligation that we have as people. Jesus says that we should love one another.

"I no longer call you slaves...I call you friends."   [John 15:12-17]

 

Jesus has called you and me out of the darkness of sin and slavery, he has loosened our bonds and calls us friends. He calls us to be friends with the same love that he has redeemed us with. In my mind it's a commissioning for us, to go out and be a brother or be a sister, he calls us to be a father and lead others out of darkness, or a Mother to care for those who have no one to care for them. Guys were called to be friends. I am reminded yet again of the call to love everyone I meet, I want to be a light for people and I want to lead them out of darkness not into it. I want to be there for them, and serve them not be served. I want to listen to them and pray for them because I am called to be a friend and so a friend I will be.

 

 

 







Holy Thursday: a Call to Love

It's easy to forget the message of Jesus in Gospels. With the world today filled with so much hate and violence. Society has created divisions of people that decides if we are worthy of love, worthy of likings, worthy of compassion. All of this, leaves room for rejection and dissatisfaction, which has made a path for a culture of death with abortion, war, violence, and murder. With Jesus, it led to his Crucifixion, all because he wasn't what we wanted him to be. It shows how full of change our humanity is, one day we like this and the next day we don't. It was the same with the King who came into Jerusalm on a donkey with crowds of people proclaiming him as the King, the Son of David who is Blessed. (Matt 21:1-11) 

Today, Holy Thursday is the day that emphasizes a call to return to love, it seems to me like a reminder for love and care for everyone, regardless of class. During the Last Supper, the very first mass, Jesus institutes the Holy Eucharist for us to be in union with Him, Jesus is present in the Eucharist body, blood, soul and divinity and its for us to receive. This alone is a declaration of Christs' love for us. It is a call to compassion, peace and unity with all people from every nation. Saint John Paul II said, "The Eucharist is the sacrament of the presence of Christ, who gives Himself to us because he loves us." John in his gospel, writes about this love. Jesus, the Son of Man starts washing the very feet of his disciples, these guys have been walking for days. Jesus in his love for our humanity, not only became man, but became lesser than man by kneeling down to wash the feet of his apostles. (John 13:3-5) The message is to care for those we meet each day, serve the people, be there for them, don't hurt, don't kill with our words, instead of violence show peace, instead of hate show compassion. Jesus not only sets the example to love, but institutes and upholds the role of the priests. "So if I, your Lord and teacher have washed your feet, you must wash each other's feet. I have given you an example that you should follow." (John 13:14-15)

So this Holy Thursday, I remember the act of love that Jesus taught, to love, to care and to serve. To be there for my friends, my family, my brothers and sisters as a reminder to myself that through that love, we are demonstrating that we are also disciples of Christ our Savior. 

Obligation to Man

When God created Adam and Eve, man had a perfect and unique relationship with God. So much that it was free of death and full of grace.In this perfect relationship with God, man knew God and loved him. Man was given a beautiful relationship with God and also woman, Eve.  Of course we were blessed with a happy fault and given original sin through the fall of man. By sin, that perfect and unique relationship was stripped and there were rifts that were placed that hindered man's perfect relationship with God and even with other man, in this case a woman. Well, by our baptism as infants we too are given a beautiful yet not so perfect relationship with God through sanctifying grace. In our roll as humans we are also united in the body of the church and the communion of peoples across the world. We are all of the same species so why wouldn't we be of the same family. However, when we sin, that sanctifying grace is removed from us, hindering our relationship with God and also man. So we are disconnected if you will from the very life of Christ, from his Church and his people. We are still under the protection and aid of God just in a lesser degree, yes thank you human nature, by it, we are also bound to sin and in our weakness we fall! Saint Paul writes that we should live in the Spirit of God and not the Spirit of the flesh meaning sin. He writes in Romans 8:

"Those who live according to the flesh are concerned with the things of the flesh, but those who live according to the spirit are concerned with the things of the spirit. The concern of the flesh is death, but the concern of the spirit is life and peace." Romans 8 5-6

As I was looking at this I noticed a similarity between the words of Jesus in the gospels and the words of Paul in Romans hinting at a universal call and obligation to every man. Free or slave, upper class or lower-class, clothed or not-clothed. Jesus tells us in Matthew that we should not be afraid of those who kill the body by sin. This means helping our friends, our families and even our acquaintances. We should be courageous and help them, comfort them because we have an obligation to them. Matthew recounts the words of Jesus in Chapter 10:

"Therefore do not be afraid of them. Nothing is concealed that will not be revealed, nor secret that will not be known...And do not be afraid of those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather, be afraid of the one who can destroy both soul and body in Gehenna." -Matthew 10:26-28

In my own reflection, Jesus is letting us know that we should not be ashamed of Him and afraid of those who are living in trial, temptation and sin, we should reveal to them who God is in a loving way. We should be a light for them in the darkness. Why should we be afraid of man, living in sin or not, we should help them because it's our obligation, we have the same father, we are of the same family and our duty to help those who are suffering is a great commission given to us by God.

St. Francis: Man of Peace

These past few months, have been extremely Franciscan for me, by the help of Grace I am more drawn to the life of Saint Francis, who he is and what he did. With the help of Cardinal Jorge Mario Bergoglio taking on the name of Pope Francis after Saint Francis, I have became attracted more to who Saint Francis is and Pope Francis by the authority given to him by God, invites us to do the same. In the life of Saint Francis, he leaves us with a message of love and compassion. He leaves us with a message to follow Christ with immediate obedience and I think this is what makes the life of Francis so attractive. A few weeks ago, I picked up a book over Saint Francis and found myself so drawn to his life, pretty soon I found myself halfway through the book. There are a couple things that I think are the most profound and necessary in following Christ, especially through the Saint Francis lens.


1.) Saint Francis at a young age was thrown in prison because he left the army he had only been apart of for a day. He was left in the dark, the silence and the cold for over a year. The interesting thing is that Saint Francis in essence,  was formed and molded by the silence, much like the Apostle Paul. It was said that it was in the silence where  Francis found God and so when he was released from prison he was so wrapped up in the silence and the insight he got because of it! So much that he would even seek the silence and look for caves in the nearby mountains. The very thing that he was afraid of before he was now seeking out. Saint Francis new the impact the silence had on him, he wanted to hear the voice of Christ, he desired him and he wanted to now more about him, so he placed himself in the silence and the very darkness he was afraid of.

2.) Saint Francis before his conversion wanted desperatly to become a noble knight and fight for the king of the land. He knew it would give honor to his family, especially his wealthy father. One night in a dream, God spoke to him asking, "Francis, who is it better to serve, The Lord or a man?", without question, Francis said "The Lord" Francis then left his original desire to become a noble Knight to listen and harken to the voice that he had heard. While seeking out this voice in the caves, and in the silence, Francis came upon small run down church and began praying before the altar, with his hands outstretched. Suddenly a voice came from the cross of the altar that said, "Francis, rebuild my Church, because as you can see, it is in ruins." It is described that God spoke directly into the heart of Francis and immediately, Francis ran home, sold everything he owned to follow Christ.

3.) The last is one that I find to be very appealing even in my own life. Saint Francis was a care giver and he cared for everyone even those who were not cared for. The lesser, the sick, the imprisoned, the  naked and the leper. One day St Francis was off to the Courtyard of the king on his father's horse. He recognized a leper on the side of the road. In those days, a Leper would yell, "unclean! unclean!" as they are ringing a bell so that passer-byers would stay clear of them. Well this particular day, Francis got down from his high horse, which is symbolic of losing his pride and honorary status. As he got down, he gave him what little money he had left before he could walk away, Francis was became prompted by the spirit to hug this poor leper. So he did the unthinkable and gave him a hug, with no words exchanged, he got back on his horse, left and as he turned to wave goodbye, he noticed that there was never was anybody there. At that moment, Saint Francis knew that he did not just embrace a leper, but he was embracing Christ and professing not only a love for the leper, but a love for God.

I think the joy is that we are reminded to live a Franciscan lifestyle, one that involves the silence and it involves a little immediate obedience, maybe even some embracing. Embracing those who are lesser than we are and those who don't have anybody. Francis in his life, wanted to serve God the King of Kings, he wanted to know God in a perfect way. How he did it is was through serving those people in need, and listening in the silence where he was placed.  We are called to live in silence, not in noise, with the help of silence God becomes present to us and I think Saint Francis realized this and so he wanted more of it.

I'll Leave (For You)

Everyday I know that I'm getting closer and closer to what I'm called to do. It's sort of scary but exciting at the same time. It's like starting another chapter but you don't know how it's going to be written. One thing is for sure, I do know what I need to do and that is to leave everything. Deep inside I don't want an amazing life, I don't want to be rich an famous an smart. I want to help and be there for those who don't have nothing either. The other day, I was praying in the chapel over my vocation there at school an I felt like leaving. I felt like getting up an walking out, I wasn't frustrated and I wasn't mad. It was me wanting to leave the good life and pick up a lesser life I feel like. That night I wrote a song about leaving everything we have, our pride, our homes and even the things that we want so badly like love, an materials. The thing is that I do want all of that, I just have to say no to those things I want. This song is called I'll leave (For You) click the link below or click the 'my music' tab at the top. Enjoy. 

http://www.soundcloud.com/vscarrasco/ill-leave-for-you/s-ZpJIw

World Youth Day 2013 -- Don't be Afraid

Once again, my experience inside a country besides my own has placed within me my worth and my duty as a Catholic. In 2008 it was Honduras, now five years later in Brazil. For two weeks, I've been apart of a pilgrimage and journey that has moved me by compassion and grace, and by it a fire has been placed inside of me. This fire is a spiritual desire, a yearn and motivation to answer one of the many invitations that Christ offers. The invitation to Be not afraid, the invitation to Be strong and to have courage. It is not the invitation that is tough, it is the response and a lot of times this is what I lack in life. I lack strength and courage, I even lack the move to do something and stand up for what is right. This week I was brought back to the book of Joshua, where God constantly tells him to be strong, and be courageous, to not be afraid. I was reminded in my weakness and my shamefulness to break my doubts and to Rise up because Christ is always with us no matter what. In the final mass Christ worked through the Pope and delivered the same message to 3 million people. We were all reminded to not be Afraid, to Go, and then serve. I was amazed at how God works.

 In our faith there comes a calling for each person and I think whatever the calling may be there is that natural instinctive of hesitation, doubt and then confusion. It was through the humility of the Pope that helped deliver what would be a reminder for the youth of the world to not be afraid. The Pope referenced the story of Jeremiah, and how God called him to go and proclaim the gospel, but Jeremiah feared and doubted the hand of God because of his youth. I thought boy, that sure does sound like me, a clumsy young adult who is afraid of his own youth. Easily enough, Pope Francis reminds us to not be afraid because Christ never leaves us alone, he says that Christ always accompanies us. What better assurance can we have that God will truly be with us as he was with the first twelve he sent? The comfort is that the Pope who is the most revered man on earth in his humility is delivering a message from God Most High to us; his servants. After so many years of building up this still-weak faith how can I not say yes to the will of God and devote my life to him who gave me life. I yearn, and I burn for the fire of faith, 

Spring Break 2013 -- Building the Kingdom

Like last year, I decided to spend my Spring Break this year doing something a little more selfless. Something other than worry about myself or what I want or even what I need. We traveled southeast for about six hours to the Louisiana city of Shreveport to build homes for homeless war veterans. The experience as a whole was a great one, we worked for a whole week putting up walls and handling nail guns with carpentry pouches around our waists.   I think the joy of it all was first of all being reminded how much of a joy this sort of thing can be. Just being there, serving, working and busting your hump for someone that's less fortunate than me is always a humbling experience. The people we met were very trusting towards us, they gave us a job and they trusted us. Almost like if they had known us for a really ling time. It's like it didn't bother them. The life lesson there was that we will make mistakes we will fall, but in the end it makes us who we are and it shapes us in making this great thing out of ourselves.
Christ came and made himself lesser than what he already was to save us and lead us. I like to think that we are called to follow and do the same thing. Making ourselves lesser in what we have and who we are to help the ones that need the things that we want.

Pecos, New Mexico 2012: Mercy Undeserving

This past weekend I went on a mission trip to Pecos, New Mexico to visit the Benedictine Monks. It was a 4 day retreat for the Lifeteen and it went pretty well. We learned a lot about the silence and how it is where our souls are at their best ability in finding Christ. We learned how in Silence, really the only thing keeping ourselves from Christ, is ultimately ourselves. We worked there at the Monastery voluntering to clean up some of their fields, buildings and gardens. It was a great time off, out of the world, and into our hearts to slow us down for self examination. For me it was rejuvenating, to serve once again, what I, what we are called to do.
Before the trip, I knew I had to make it to confession just so that I would be in the right state of mind when I went. So I went, and nothing really changed for me. Deep down inside I wanted to feel like I was forgiven, but honestly, I felt like I was just the same as when I walked in the confessional. I doubted God's mercy, and his forgiveness. Throughout the trip I tried to work when it was time to work, eat when it was time to eat, and pray when it was time to pray. In reality, it is a very hard thing to do, just to keep a balance of life is hard and I fail at it every single day. The first night we had confessions again, and I felt the need to go and just re-examine myself one more time before I went. So I did, and for the second time, I doubted again the mercy that God grants us, I doubted his presence and his forgiveness. But just like the last time, I was putting it inside of my head that I was forgiven and still somehow didn't feel like it. The next night we had the exposition of the Blessed Sacrament, I prayed, everybody prayed, and I remember feeling so immersed, so focused on the Eucharist that no matter how hard I tried, I could not look away, I was so attracted and so relieved that at that instant, I felt the inner presence and mercy that God had given me. It was like a strike of a match, that was all there, It just needed that initiative to spark the flame. When the retreat was over, we got our rocks and through Divine Providence, I got the word 'Mercy' written on mine.. I think my devotion to the Blessed Virgin Mary helped me understand and see that, without her intercession I don't think I would have been revealed the true Mercy that God offers for us. It helped me realize that no matter how useless you feel, no matter how unworthy you feel, God still finds a way to forgive us, no matter how much we done against him, no matter how many times we have turned our backs on him he still finds a way to call us back and pour that undeserving mercy into our hearts.

I Am Third

After Student mass I felt the need to pray in the presence of Jesus. I was kneeling before the tabernacle, humbled, in fear, and just worried. I remember the only thing I was worried about was myself. I kept asking for my own spiritual guidance, my own renewal, just my own things, beings selfish. When I thought I had asked for everything I needed I got up, knelt before the tabernacle and walked my selfish butt over to my friend, who had just walked in the church. He seemed troubled, like something was bothering him. So I asked him if he was alright, he shook his head no and looked at the ground. He told me his grandpa had been put in the hospital and might not make it. At that instant, I realized that my first priority should be worrying about other people and not myself. I realized I shouldn't be first, because God is. I shouldn't be second, because other people are. I am Third.

Alternative Spring Break

Spring Break these days is all party if your my age. Most of my friends head over to Padre Island, Florida beaches, Galveston Bay and have a good time. This year I decided to take a trip with the school to New Orleans for an alternative Spring Break trip. I thought it would interesting to return to the City where my calling and vocation was first initiated to me in 2006 when I visited to help rebuild the city after Katrina. So I was anxious and eager to start working and satisfy the desire that I've always had to serve people who truly need help. However during the trip, I didn't feel the same about my service, something seemed to be missing. We worked only two days out of the week and I was disappointed in myself, in the group, just the outcome of our work. In my reflection I started to see something greater. I started seeing that service isn't just about working and breaking a sweat. It isn't about standing on a 30 foot ladder tearing down an entire plastered ceiling. It's about just being there for the people, for the kids, and for the city.
Our main objective while we were there was just being present to the kids and showing them that there is other places that care, and show respect to them. Where we stayed was a rough rural area in New Orleans where the homes of these kids are mostly influenced by drugs and the business of drugs, and just violence. So we were there to show them that the home they live in, is not how the world is outside of home. I took me a long time to realize that just being present to the kids means more to them then anything in the world. They might be young but they do have feelings. It was sad when we left, all they kept asking us is if they would see us the next day and help them with their homework. When you told them no, we weren't gonna be back, they would just get this sadness in their heads and lower their shoulders. It was sad to see, but since they were kids they would soon forget and run around again, just like if they knew that they wanted to make the time with you last.

Une vocation noble

Une vocation noble, it's french for a Noble Calling. As part of my discernment process here at the school God has placed me, I think I am understanding a new calling from God. Something like this has come to me only by the grace of God, through the hands of Mary. To comprehend this calling is a great privilege and an honor to believe that Christ himself is working through me to others.
My servitude has been a big part of my faith to Christ, It is something that I love doing. The smile that is left is a rewarding element to witness. Every mission trip that I have gone on is still in some way, shaping me even to this day. One that stands out that most, is my mission trip to Honduras.
Here, I went on a one week mission to build homes for those who have literally nothing. No Water, no electricity, no shelter. While it helped me realize to be grateful for everything I have, It helped me even more to understand that no matter what race we are, or even what language we speak, we are still are one in the same. A huge family that share in the same graces from God himself. It was just last year that I felt being called to becoming a missionary priest to help provide the sacraments and virtues to those who are less fortunate than others. In April 2010, I took a trip to Dallas with the diocese of Tulsa to visit the Holy Trinity Seminary. Someone that I grew very fond of on that trip was a 42 year old man from the Philippian Islands. Though his accent made it hard for me to understand, I still managed to make out what he was saying. It was a real gift and I am truly thankful that I see that. We hung out together, he taught me a few words, laughed together. He smiled, and every time he did it reminded me of the happiness from serving those who really need it. So this bond between the both of us started to become a real lesson for me. Later while I was visiting the seminary, I woke in the middle of the night, walked to the kitchen to help myself to a midnight snack. There I would meet a native from Guatemala, he happened to be in the kitchen eating too. We talked for a good hour, learning from each others past experiences. As he's telling me his story, for some reason the only thing that's running through my head is ways to help people. He told me that he went to school in Guatemala to become a priest. He emphasized that the people only have mass once every 3 months. When he told me this, my mind sort of stuck on this thought of helping out and changing this. Anyway, through time he got so sick, the school was forced to medically release him since they did not have the resources to keep him there. Frustrated, he set out for a desperate attempt to head for the United States, so he applied for a visa. I remember him saying that usually, it takes about 2 months to receive a visa in Guatemala, it is only typical. He said the very next day, heard at the knock at his door, and opened it to find somebody with an envelope that had his visa inside. He said, it was a miracle and to this day he believes it was an angel. One week later he found out that his uncle was flying to Houston for business, he begged his uncle for a ticket to come with, he found out that his uncle had exactly the amount needed for one more ticket in his bank. So he ended up going and now he is in Dallas, Texas attending a seminary, studying to become a priest.
I was amazed at the story and how everything seemed to work out for him. The whole weekend for me was a lesson, and a calling to help all of those in need. The thought of people having mass once in every 2 or 3 months lingered in my head, I couldn't imagine not having mass for that long.
Even now, we take it for granted and don't really get what we should out of it. We have the opportunity to attend daily mass while others only once every 90 days. That alone provides me with the desire to help as much as I can. Every time I am around somebody from a different country that calling just passes through my head. Talking with people from Honduras, Guatemala, Ivory Coast, Mexico, Haiti, and even the Bahamas, it really does go through your head. It's tough to discern what Christ wants out of us, but I learned that if we pray and put ourselves in obedience to God, graces will always be provided to help us see that calling. That calling, whatever it may be will always be a noble one.

Working on the Heart

It's always a good feeling when you finish working on a great big project or something that you really take pride in. You have been working on this project for a really long time, giving it some great detail to the point when every last drop of sweat has fallen from you. Everyday you work on this masterpiece and the only thing that keeps you from not giving up on it is the thought of seeing how it looks when your finished. The feeling of completion and that feeling of rising above every voice inside your head to give up and quit is what draws you to keep going, and ultimately finish.

This weekend I went with some friends of mine to work on a natural spring just outside Konawa, Oklahoma. It's a natural spring in the shape of the Sacred Heart. When we got there I bent over and starting praying as I was working. After a few minutes of prayer and movement, I suddenly got a desire to get dirty, and put all I had into this one thing, this one heart, a Sacred Heart. I took my shoes, socks, shirt and shorts off (not to worry, I had shorts on underneath) I continued and instantly became drawn to keep moving, and I didn't want to stop. I began to sweat as I tried desperately to get the crystal clear water to flow better. The water-flow was so dirty and as I used my hands to pull the weeds, and remove the dirt. The water would soon flow and clear out all of the dirt and create a beautiful rich, clear flow. It was amazing how I could actually see the dirt being filtered out through the flow of the water, it was like the old was being replaced with new. Then it became clear to me, there was complete silence, and I seemed to be at peace and not think of anything but focus on the Heart of Christ. I began to think about how Christ works on my heart, and that it is the exact same way as me working on it this great potential natural spring. I did not want to stop moving. My friends would call upon me and I was so zoned in on the love of Christ through the Sacred Heart that I didn't hear them. It was an amazing experience that became obvious to me.

Jesus works on our heart everyday of our lives trying to shape it and help make everything flow better. He makes builds it and helps it take on anything that our heart endures. I think that this was the main reminder of me working on this spring. Jesus, cleanses our heart, takes out everything that is holding up the water from running, like the leaves, the mud, rocks, all of these things are the things that keep us from gaining a healthy spiritual heart that Christ wants from us, He wants our hearts and he wants our love for him to grow. Christ is doing everything he can to help your heart flow, he is removing your sins, and cleansing your soul, building it up and preparing it so that we can open it right back up, and offer it back to the one who made it work. As we speak, he is replacing old with new, removing all that needs to be removed. As we speak, he is working on your heart.

Buckley Team

This semester I took on the challenge and service project of being on the Buckley team here at St. Gregory's University. It's sort of strange on how I came to know the team because a few years ago while I was in High School, I went to the Regional Catholic Youth Conference (RCYC) in Amarillo. While I was there I met a few people and I remember hearing something about the Buckley Team, Long story short, I think I met the team there.
Now I am on buckley 4 years later, quite coincidental. We'll anyways this weekend was the Buckley Refocus Retreat where everybody learns about each other a little bit more than what they already do, we plan the semester and talk about some of the things that the team has done, that is handed down traditionally. Our job is to strengthen teens into becoming better disciples in Christ, that way they learn to take on the leadership role that we provide and use it back home. The semester should be pretty fun and exciting. Just like our personal lives that are always seeking conversion, in that same way the team I think is still on that conversion process. It'll be fun, It'll be fun. Personally, I am glad to be on the team as I explained to the team while I talked for about on hour about the things I have gone through in my life, in terms of service projects and the ups and downs. I told them that being on the team will help me, and also us live out the message that I, we, even we, have been giving from Christ, to serve.

A Reminder of My Service

Today I was looking through some of my pictures on facebook from my senior year and this one caught my eye. I was reminded of my service to others. This woman Joyce, really helped me see that we are the image of Christ no matter who we are, no matter how we look, what we wear, if we use a wheelchair or not. I went on a mission trip to help paint and fix this woman's house. During the trip, I had an exorbitant desire to serve. I just started working as fast as I could, It was almost with a passion and with a cause because I knew what I was gonna get out of it. When I look back to it, it sort of brings tears to my eyes just know that Me, a sinner, a person who doesn't deserve the graces of God, had done this for a woman who uses a oxygen tank to breathe, I'm reminded of my call to serve, our call to serve the people of Christ. With that we remember the words of Christ,"whatever you do for the least of my people you have done for me."

Felix Campos: Angel of The Lord

This weekend I had the opportunity to meet one of the most inspirational person of my entire life. Felix Campos was walking in front of our truck asking if he could give the truck a shine for just a few bucks, we agreed. I was in the sleeper of the truck when I heard him and my dad talking, There was no way I was getting off, I thought he was just like everybody else that had asked us for money. But the more I got to listening to their conversation I became so fond of him. I wanted to met him and see what he was like. So I got out of the truck and we met and cleaned the truck together. We all talked about so many different things that God has to offer for us. Prayer and Life. After talking to him, he explained to us that he had been through a lot of different things that helped him just start believing in God. His father was a preacher in North Carolina and Felix wanted to see him again, but He just didn't know when. He told us that he wanted to get his green card soon because some people had stole his wallet from him after he moved here from the Dominican Republic. He mentioned that his girlfriend had an abortion with his first child, and ever since then he was been heartbroken. He says that he prays to God every night to forgive her for the sin she committed. He was a really good person that had some good morals to his life. It was so clear to me that he was so dedicated to a life of holiness and to be Christ like and it was that that made me really think. Here is this guy who has gone through so much, lives life homeless yet still is so full of love, and prayer to God. As we were cleaning some of the windows on the truck he told me something I won't ever forget. He said, Serving is the one of the best things you can do for somebody, When you serve people who really need help, It is that, that matters and your reward will be great in heaven...After he said that I felt like there was an Angel from God talking to me, It was so real, so vivid, and so true. When we finished cleaning the truck, we walked to the store across the street and got something to drink. As we were walking back he asked us if we were angels that will leave and never see him again. That was so weird to hear that. When we got back, we said goodbye and took a picture. As he turned to leave I notice that sad expression on his face, I felt like telling him to come with us. But I knew I couldn't. When I turned around to see which way he was headed, He was gone. Like if He had delivered the message that was given to him. I knew that he was an Angel, an Angel of the Lord.

Mission-Trip Oklahoma City

This past week I went on a mission trip with the Catholic Student Center to Oklahoma City. It was awesome, well It could of been better but missionary wise it was great. We stayed at a Catholic youth Camp on the outskirts of OKC about an hour away from the city. It was so beautiful out there, the stars were out every night. the trees blew with the fresh breeze, and the creatures churped almost with the sound of nature. Like a song that you already know the words. Our first night there I went outside to meditate a little bit. I remember looking up at the sky, watching the stars twinkle in the midnight blue. I remember saying,"Lord, I want to follow you, I wanna do what you want me to do. I trust you with all my heart. I just want you to allow your spirit flow through me like water, and reveal to me my calling." I said,"Lord I love you, I will go where you go, but If I end up on my knees I will crawl to you."and in that I ended my prayer and went inside to write in my journal, and I just started writing, I couldn't stop, for some reason those words just stuck to my head, so I wrote this song check it out...


If I end up on my knees, I will crawl, crawl to you.


This journeys so rough
One I can't seem to stand
I'd say I just about give it all up
But you hold me in the palm of your hand.


Lead me the way, through heated sun
Guide me to your sands of Endless love
God of mercy of grace show me the way
For its you I embrace, yea Its you I embrace!


Its you I will follow, You I will serve.
Anything you set, I'll do it for you
It's what I want, It's what you deserve
God my god, I will follow you.


This song, when I play it I get this since of peace and shadow of God. So throughout the whole mission trip I could not wait to go home only to play the song I had wrote through the holy spirit. Well as we went. We painted a pantry that this sister has started 10 years ago. "Sister BJs Pantry" we moved all the clothes put blue painters tape on the windows and trip, set up plastic. And started painting away. We used light blue, and dark blue. It took two whole days to paint the first and second coats. The second day also had us finish the gazebo in the garden. Stain it for the day to come. The day coming was the main part of the participation. We were to make sack lunches that had, water, chips, candy, a granola bar, and a sandwich. They were to be handed out to all homeless that got in line that morning. It was the butt crack of dawn but it was well worth it to see people who have no socks, no teeth. old clothes, but had smiles that ran across their faces from ear to ear. It was a trip I won't ever forget, One that will help me be what I wanna be; a missionary for Christ.