The Holy Porter: St. Conrad of Parzham

Throughout his life St. Conrad was known by many to be a man of "interior composure," a man who was so intensely focused on the presence of God. His whole day was centered on prayer. He was a holy porter who opened the door for many and a man who shared the peace of God to all who came to it. He answered the friary door for 41 years of his life, offering his time, his prayers and yes, even Scheps, the famous Bavarian beer that was brewed by the friars to be a kind of food.

As I thought back on his life, there were few things that I felt God was asking me to remember. Three things specifically, peace, patience, and presence. All of them were made even more clear to me from a dream that I had: I was sitting on the sidewalk at a nearby lake, sort of on the bridge of the dam. Brother Brandon and I were playing music as people walked by. It had been one of our future ministry ideas to be the busking brothers, where we would create this band, play music and preach to people on the street. I remember encountering all kinds of people, taking pictures in between songs, laughing and smiling, it was a good time! But suddenly things changed, I remember seeing an angry man walk up to us. He began questioning what we were doing, shaking his head his face grew red. Then all of sudden, he grabbed the neck of my guitar and flung it over the dam of the lake. . . I remember looking over the railing, watching it hit the floor and explode into a thousand pieces. When I woke up, I asked a question that could be important for all of us on the journey of faith - "How am I responding to the situations that God puts before me?" With anger, with resentment, maybe frustration? 

Porter of Peace

The thing is that St. Conrad responded with peace. In times of great trial and pain, he was a porter of Peace. He opened the door and gave peace to everyone he encountered. His love for the people came from the peace he had gained from countless hours of prayer and with it came mercy, forgiveness, and brotherhood. To be at peace is to be free, in a state of mind where nothing disturbs you. It means tranquility with the situation or scenario at hand. It is believing with your whole heart that God has everything under control. The life of Conrad showed him to be a man of complete interior composure, one who was always surrounded by silence. I thought of all the different things that disrupt my peace. When that happens, how do I respond? I was surprised to know that the next part of my dream was a burning desire to talk with this guy, and make peace.

Porter of Patience

Part of being calm and at peace involves being patient. We often want to move to the end so quickly that we forget all the graces and God-moments that are in between. I know for myself, I want things to happen right away, as soon as possible. So much that it's one activity after another without any tranquility to think about what is happening within them. Certainly, the life of St. Conrad involved a patience that allowed him to find God as he moved from one task to another, as he moved from his cell to the friary door. Being patient involves waiting, a type of silent endurance that is contrary to frustration or anger.  It's said that the neighborhood boys would test Conrad's patience by ringing the friary doorbell nine

or ten times, and each time he would visit the door as he usually did. Instead of growing angry, he would proclaim "It doesn't matter, I will come out 20 times in God's name, as long as my feet carry me." 

Porter of the Presence of God

Opening the door to many people who came to visit in a way, was him opening the door to the presence of God. He was surrounded by God's presence in his life, and he recognized it in every situation of his life. This led him to a personal encounter with God. In every moment of his life, he found the Spirit of God. Whether it was in his cell, in the chapel, silent walks, and pilgrimages, he saw the presence of God in every individual. Like a divine appointment and because of that he was able to turn his heart to everyone he met. St. Conrad had the eyes of faith, he saw Christ in every person and situation. For him, life was about 'seeing' God active in his everyday life. As I was thinking about this, I remembered another part of my dream. Just before my guitar had been flung over the edge and shattered into a thousand pieces, we were singing a song with the words, "We want to see Jesus, lifted high," and I realized that much of my life needs to have that element, the element of wanting to see God in everyday life. When we look at the life of Conrad, I think that's also something he wanted, to see Jesus lifted high yes, but also to see him in every moment and in every person. 

So the question is asked again, "how am I responding to the situations that God puts before me?" Like St. Conrad, let us answer by responding to the presence of God as a people who are porters of peace and patience like he was.

+ Br. Vince Mary

Let God Enter, Let Him Love.

A reflection for World Day of Consecrated Religious:

Today, Jesus is presented to the altar of God in the Temple. This comes at one of the weakest times of Jesus' entire life. He’s not able to speak for himself, he can’t walk. He’s a baby, young, physically weak, and completely vulnerable. I think the state that Jesus is in can help us to understand what it really means to be presented to the Lord, to be consecrated to the Lord even in the frailest, weakest, most vulnerable times of our imperfect lives. 

It's clear that God seems to be very particular with who he calls and who he anoints. As you know, there’s a common theme with the Lord calling the weak and the vulnerable. You might say that God has a knack for picking the ones who seem to be less capable. But he chooses them precisely so his Glory can be revealed, making the words of Isaiah ring true -- "He gives power to the faint, abundant strength to the weak." (Isaiah 41:29) He chooses the poor, the broken, the hurting, he chooses the lesser - those who cannot love themselves.

"He gives power to the faint, abundant strength to the weak."   

-Isaiah 41:29

The fact is that we are all imperfect people. We are all weak in some way, vulnerable, hurting and broken. Like many biblical figures, we doubt the person that God can help us become. We are afraid to love God and afraid to love ourselves. We are in fact, afraid of our own tendency to love imperfectly. But there’s hope because as a people of faith, we are called to re-enter into a relationship with God, to be re-consecrated, and re-presented to Him. That means accepting the love of a God who perfectly loves our imperfections. This does not mean that God is okay with our sins, and shortcomings; rather, that He loves us despite of them.

"We are in fact, afraid of our own tendency to love imperfectly."

As I was reflecting on my life as a consecrated religious, I began to think of my journey as lived inside of a large church. At the front of the Church, there is the sanctuary and Jesus awaiting in the tabernacle. Throughout the course of our lives, we position ourselves at different parts and places of this massive church. Some days we might be at the very front, in the sanctuary. We are praying every day, going to mass, doing all the right things and we feel God present in our lives. Other days we might be in the very back of the church, in the very corner, far away - maybe even outside! Sometimes we are hiding on the sides, ashamed and afraid to be seen. We are not concerned with what is happening in front of us. Or, we are in the middle, in the safe-ground. Not too far upfront and not too far in the back. We're comfortable with where we want to be and that's that. We are satisfied with being in the middle ground. "This is my spot, this is where I sit, I'm good, I don't need to do anything else, I am here."...Perhaps this is your life, moving from pew to pew. Regardless, wherever you sit, God is asking of one thing; he's asking for your heart. For your presence. And one thing is certain, we have to approach the altar in order for us to give it freely. Come up and re-present yourself to the Lord with open hearts! Lift up your hearts! Lift up your doors. Just like the psalmist says:

"Lift up! O gates, your lintels; 

reach up, you ancient portals,

that the King of Glory may enter!”

I have found that the greatest freedom in consecrated life comes from opening up the gates of everything that I am and letting God in on it. As the prophet Malachi puts it, there will come a day when the Lord will come and sit in this temple and refine and purify his servants. Jesus would like to purify and refine you. You are that temple, and Jesus wants to transform everything that you don't like about yourself, those imperfections, all the sins, the flaws, the fears, and insecurities - Jesus wants to purify it. For the consecrated religious, we are presented to the Lord in freedom, resting in the sure hope that He will make himself known in the midst of every imperfection and weakness that we know we have. Out of love, we surrender ourselves, we cease any resistance and simply let God love.

"...in order to profess a life consecrated to God, I have to first profess that I am human."

I’m very blessed to be able to look back on the life that I’ve lived as a consecrated religious and see all of the incredible ways that God has been present to me. The people, the places, the ministry opportunities, everything has been an adventure of faith and it would have never happened if I had not given God permission to love what I could not. It has occurred to me that in order to profess a life consecrated to God, I have to first profess that I am human. That means admitting to myself that I don't have all the answers, I don't do everything right, I'm not a perfect human being and because of that, I need God. We need God.

It doesn’t matter who are you, what you’re doing, or what you have done. I can promise you that the Lord today is asking for your heart. He wants to replace all of those imperfections with love. Today we're called to receive God, to be re-consecrated to God, to be re-presented to God. Let Him Enter, the King of Glory.

+ Br Vince Mary

The Unchangeable God in the Changeable World

Some months back a few of us were loading up a giant U-haul trailer preparing to make the move to San Antonio to begin yet another journey. A new journey of faith, formation, studies and fraternity that is. I guess in the midst of all of the moving, the transitioning, re-settling and adapting, it was easy to forget of the graces that can come from one thing: change.

Since July, I've been experiencing a crazy, weird and amazing excursion of change, both externally and internally. You come to a new place, move to a new city, begin adapting to the weather, the traffic, the streets, new people, new school, a new schedule of prayer and ministry, etc. Internally, there's emotional change, intellectual change (I hope) and even spiritual changes of learning new ways that God presents himself. Nonetheless, I've enjoyed the change and I think it's brought me to understand another very beautiful attribute of God: That in all of what has been happening, God is the one thing that does not change.

If there's one thing that I've been reminded of in these last few months its that God is the one and only constant. Through all the change that happens in life, in the day, in circumstance and situation, there is one thing that is certain and it can be said in three simple words: God is constant. That means God has no end, he is steady, true and forever. He remains the same in all the change. He is the steady in all the chaos, the sturdy hope in all of our full-of-doubt shakiness. He is the unchanging faithful, the one dependent friend that will always be there for us.

There are times when I might be going through every type of emotion, feelings of loss, feelings of despair even feelings of joy and amazing energy. To be able to sit with that and contemplate on God being a God who sees that, or witnesses that within me is amazing. A good reflection question might be what am I doing at the end of every day that allows God to enter into all of that change? I'm often fascinated at how God can be the one who enters into our world of change, my life of change. In all of that, whatever life brings me there is one incredible thing and that is God is there, as the one who never ever changes. He loves always, he guides always, he listens always, forever. To me that's amazing to think about.

In scripture, we learn of God's faithfulness and his continuous, steady presence within the lives of the Israelites. God remains faithful to his promise, to his people and he gives us a sign of his everlasting love by making a covenant with his people. In the book of Isaiah, the voice that we hear during every Advent season reminds us that God is everlasting.

"The grass withers, the flower wilts when the breath of the Lord blows upon it." Yes, the people is grass! The grass withers, the flower wilts, but the word of our God stands forever."  -Isaiah 40: 7-8

With all the changes that occur in our lives, everything can seem to happen so fast. We are moving, life is changing, people are changing, we ourselves undergo change! However, God is not and he reminds us of that. "For I, the LORD, do not change." (Malachi 3:6) He reminds us to turn to him, to seek Him who has been our foundation for all these years. We know this to be true from the Gospels. During the strength of the storm, Jesus presented himself as one who calmed the sea when fierce waves and strong winds threatened the lives of the disciples. He made himself known during the tumult and shaking sea!

"...He got up, rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was great calm." -Matthew 8:26

It was Christ himself who was Transfigured before the disciples, reminding them that the Glory of God, the Glorified Christ, will be in their midst even when frightening changes take place! Let's not forget the Eucharistic feast, when ordinary bread and wine become the very Body and Blood of Christ through transubstantiation. God makes himself known in these special changes. So too within our lives and the things that we experience, the changes that we are afraid of, the changes that we have trouble accepting. If we give God our time and give him the opportunity, He will present himself to us. With every change comes a chance to see God active in our lives. Not only is He inviting us to hold fast to Him every moment, but most especially when we experience change. By turning to God in prayer, and giving him of ourselves in silent meditation we are clinging to God, we are holding to his truths and we are allowing him to be our surety and our stability.

+Br Vince Mary

The Mountain Journey of Prayer

The following is from a recent presentation given to a local youth group on Prayer & Friendship with God.

Mt Princeton, Elv. 14,197

It’s evident within the life of the Church that prayer has been around for quite some time now. It’s not a new thing, nor is it perfected in any particular way. Since the beginning, it has involved connection, intimacy and unity with God. Take a look at some of the prayers from Old Testament figures like Moses, who cried out to God on behalf of the people he was leading out of slavery. Or David, who desperately asked God for help in the Psalms. In these prayers, emotion and affectivity is portrayed. Sorrow, intimacy and longing is what many of these figures went through and for them, that was a prayer. Now the Church has many different types and expressions of prayer that can help one grow in grace and relationship with God and every one of them is a great thing! Prayers of Adoration, Contrition, Thanksgiving or Service (ACTS). There’s blessing prayers, petition prayers, intercessory prayers, the list goes on and on…Religious orders have different expressions of prayer that fall under their charisms. Vocal, meditative and contemplative are the most common. What I’m getting at is that prayer is not a walk in the park. It involves work and it involves presence. It doesn’t matter which type or expression fits you best, if its done without any intention or whole-heartedness then we are preventing our prayer from being the fullest expression that it was meant to be. 

So what should happen in prayer? What’s necessary?

I remember one Monday morning one of the brothers came up to me. He was tired, looked exhausted, and as he was looking around for something to eat for breakfast, he turns to me in his thick Ethiopian accent and says, “You know, Monday is like climbing mountain” There’s truth to that, and I think the same can be said about the prayer life. Similar to climbing a mountain, It involves work and sweat. We have baggage, things that should be thrown out along the way. We experience doubts and fears, even temptations to turn around. But in the midst of it all we are being led to a peaceful, serene and breathtaking place where we are able experience the sublime presence of God: the Summit

What I’ve noticed throughout my personal experience of prayer is that it really involves four components. Without these four things, my prayer life is nothing. Think of climbing that Monday-mountain.

Window Rock, AZ

Longing

Our prayer life should involve a type of longing. We should desire a unity with God with all our hearts. We should long to see God face to face on this mountain journey (Deut 5:4). The psalms use the word ‘longing’ as something necessary or vital for us, like a thirst that needs to be quenched; the deer that longs for running water in Psalm 42. By longing to experience God we also make it clear that we want to experience what will give our souls true fulfillment and completion. This is only found in God and the longing for that encounter is the start of every prayer. If we aren’t longing for God in prayer, it can be very easy to dismiss ourselves. At that point prayer becomes a ritual where we get in, do what’s necessary and get out. We go through the motions, say what needs to be said and leave. It’s true that God can also work through that, but part of longing for God in prayer is also recognizing that God longs to be with us.

Ascent

Br Joe and I hiking through Kenosa Pass, Co in the Fall of 2017

By ascent, I mean a movement of the heart and mind. There’s an emotional investment involved and it’s more than words. In fact, St. Therese of Lisieux writes that for her, prayer is a “surge of the heart”. The Catechism says that prayer should be a “rising of one’s mind and heart to God” (2559). Even our very own Capuchin Constitutions describes prayer as the “breathing of love stirred into life by the Holy Spirit through whom the inner man begins to listen to the voice of God speaking to his heart.” (Capuchin Constitutions 45.1) Our prayer life needs to be an ascent toward Christ. This part of the mountain journey involves time and perseverance through pain, struggle, weakness and doubt. In order for us to make that ascent in prayer, it requires constant care, effort, faithfulness, dedication and strength. Remember, you’re climbing a mountain! it’s not going to be easy. It involves the work that St. Paul describes as praying unceasingly (1 Thes 5:16). During this ascent, we begin to realize our flaws, our imperfections, distractions become apparent, we struggle, and because of our fears and doubts we are tempted to turn around and head back. We want to check out of prayer completely. The crisis is that in the suffering and pain that we experience, God appears not in anyway present to us, we lose sight of his love, his faithfulness and we stop praying. The solution is perseverance, constant use of the sacraments, patience in prayer, time in prayer and again, remembering our longing to experience God. This leads to the third.

Br. Alex and I at the Gore Range Overlook just outside
of Estes Park, Co

Honesty

It’s important to pray with honesty. Be honest with God in your prayer and be honest with yourself. Take a look at your fears, the things that bring you shame or doubt and present that to God in your prayer. Take it to Jesus. Take it to the Cross. Honesty in prayer is about recognizing your own brokenness, admitting to it and allowing God the time to transform it. The beauty is that God knows everything that is on our hearts, He knows us through and through. But just like a father’s love, He gives us the opportunity to come to him on our own. An honest prayer, is being able to own up to our imperfections with humility. Sometimes that means admitting to ourselves that we need the help of God each and everyday. God wants us to be able to turn to him in our every need. He wants to enter into those voids and heal everything that keeps us from a prayerful relationship with him. At this point in the journey, it would be easy to give in to the voices that remind us of our brokenness. Those voices tell us that because of our imperfections and flaws, we will never be accepted nor can we ever be loved. We become dissatisfied with ourselves and we let that determine our worth. But that’s not true! God is a God of mercy who seeks to transform every one of those imperfections that we see in ourselves. All we need is to be honest, be humble and let God in on those sufferings in prayer. Honesty in prayer is where we find our identity in Christ. That discovery comes by allowing God to shed light on our lives, and admitting to the pain in our lives.

Presence

Presence in prayer is about allow God the chance to reveal himself. It is being completely immersed in the workings of God in the now. I like to compare this part of the journey with the experience of finally reaching the summit of the mountain. In that moment, you feel victorious, confident, a sense of freedom and invigorating peace. God asks us to remain there and completely surrender our distractions. It’s there that we unpack, we encounter, and experience God by simply recognizing God in our stillness (Ps 46:10). God asks that we be present to him in prayer, that we recognize his presence in our lives and whole-heartedly allow him to reveal himself to us. During the transfiguration, after Peter, James and John had experienced the glory and dazzling brightness of God, they were completely moved by the experience that they didn’t want to leave (Lk 9:28-34). In our prayer life, we should have the heart of Peter; totally moved by the presence of God that we desperately want to prepare a tent for Him within our hearts, begging him to spend the night. Recognize God’s presence in your life, and prepare a place for him to remain. God wants to reveal himself to you, he wants to speak to you. By being present in prayer, we are surrendering to the workings of the spirit and the life of grace. This takes patience, endurance, and total trust in God’s divine plan. Essentially, remaining in the presence of God in prayer is about awareness, recognition and seeing. It is recognizing with the heart, that the spirit of God is alive and active in this moment, and in this place.

Basically, what I’ve come to understand about my own prayer life is that it requires a certain type of longing; a longing for peace, maybe answers, a longing to be always united with God. It also involves an ascent of the heart, mind and soul; like incense rising up, it needs to be a movement that perseveres through any doubts or discouragements, it needs persistence. Thirdly, prayer should be about honesty with myself, coming to terms with any imperfections; an element of affective prayer that can help unveil our identity in Christ. Lastly, prayer demands a whole-hearted presence, one that involves surrender and seeks an encounter with God by reflecting on the ways he is present in the now. Try these out next time you're in prayer. 

+Br. Vince Mary

Gift & Grace, Spirit & Sport

It has become very clear to me through the help of my formators, spiritual directors, and brother friars that our lives are full of continuous instances of grace. Grace, in the measure that we recognize its presence, is always moving and is always active. We are moved by grace and we are born into the family of Christ's Mystical Body through the saving acts of Sanctifying Grace in our baptism. The Sanctifying Grace that we experience commonly comes from the seven sacraments offered by the church. Actual grace, seems to me to be the one that we experience at specific times. In prayer, in Eucharistic Adoration, maybe in sunsets or the outdoors, experiences of overwhelming peace and consolations that satisfy our souls I would say, are all examples of actual grace being present in our lives.

Basically, it is the invigorating presence of God allowing us to be moved into love for love of a living God. 

With grace, it's fascinating because we can't see it or touch it. We can, however, feel it emotionally, we can experience it and sense when the presence of God is near us and moving within us. The beauty of it all is that grace is always active in our lives, giving life to every living thing, guiding us in every circumstance and present in everything that we do. Throughout my years of formation I have learned much about the presence of grace and the spirit and my own need to respond to the actions of the spirit in my life.

That grace, is a gift, it is freely given because we are sons and daughters of God. Grace gives us life, the Spirit of God gives us life, and through it we can recognize God coming into our lives, born in our hearts to shatter our darkness and to bring life to a soul that might be dead.

I was reflecting the other day and thinking about the presence of grace, it's gift and how often I forget about it's very presence. How often do I forget about the presence of God and the real necessity to cultivate and train my soul and body to the ways of the spirit? There are many times in our days, in my days, when I might be so caught up with the things that I "need" to get done that I literally make no time to respond to the actions of the spirit. To use an analogy, it would be like somebody knocking at our door at different times of the day, without any answer and that person is virtually left outside, separated from our lives.

"To the Heights" on three!

All this week I was asked by Fr. Chris to help out at a Basketball Camp run by a Catholic based group called Frassati Sports & Adventure. We were invited to lead the group in prayer, help run drills and maybe ref some games. Fr. Chris was available for confessions and we celebrated daily mass throughout the week. It was great seeing these kids play the game and show tremendous improvement from the first day. Some of the drills included fundamentals like dribbling, passing, defensive slides, pick and rolls, communication, shooting forms and then competitions. Throughout the week, we talked about how the game of basketball can be very similar to the spiritual life. How we should be training to improve our game, our skill and our talents, understanding the game can similar to recognizing grace and the beautiful gift that has been given to us.

Whatever sport it may be, the reason that we train is to be the best, to train our muscles by memory, to form a habit and ultimately to conquer. It is the same with heroic virtue, the goal is to develop good habits that create a conviction to do good. "We are training for heaven. Forever!" The beauty is that the gift that we've been given can be formed and cultivated.

Alright so why all of a sudden am I talking about sports and training?

Fr Chris Gama & myself

Well the point is, if we can train our bodies and muscles to perform in our activity through sports, we can also learn to train our hearts, minds and souls to see and receive, the gift of grace and the spirit constantly at work in our lives. See the gift of grace, recognize the gift you've been given, practice it, and never forget that within both, the spirit and the sport, that God can always be glorified to a much greater degree when we are made aware of them. The grace and the spirit of God throughout history has been the help for all of mankind. In the spiritual life, we are slowly chipping away at ourselves with the help of God's grace and love, so that we can come to know ourselves and all that we were made for and from that, we see and recognize a God who points us to Himself. This is the gift of the sport [and the spirit], that by practicing it we see ourselves dimly in a mirror and slowly we begin to uncover the fruit that is being made by the work that has been done. God's working through you in Grace and in Sport. Practice it.

Pitch Your Tent: A guide to Seeking Christ in Every Moment

It's the Second Sunday of Lent and coming up to half way through our journey of faith. We walk with Jesus through the desert for 4o days--fasting, praying and observing.
This Sunday Jesus takes Peter, James and his brother John up a mountain. According to scripture, it's a pretty high one too. It's here that Jesus reveals to his disciples His glory. He is transfigured and his face "shone like the sun" and his clothes becomes a bright white as light. The clouds open and out from the sky we hear the same voice that spoke to his at Jesus' baptism saying, "This is my beloved son, in whom I am well pleased, Listen to Him." What happens next from Peter is very much a response to Christ's magnificence and glory and I think we can use it as a beautiful lesson to keep in mind as we continue through our Lenten journey. Peter is captivated by God's revelation and power through the light of Christ transfigured and he intends on sticking around, so much that he plans on spending the night. He has recognized God's presence in that very moment, without even thinking his first response is to pitch a tent and stay, totally emerged in the Divine and in awe because of it. So what can we learn from Peter? Basically this, to seek God in every moment of our lives and learn to stay in those moments with your whole heart. Pitch your tent, to live in every grace filled moment that God gives. Here are some ways for us to be open to God's powerful presence in our lives, like Peter.
Be grateful. Being grateful is more than not complaining. It means showing appreciation for things that might not even be recognized. Learning to see the good in everything even the worst of times. The fact is that God reveals himself to us through every living thing, powerfully and specifically with the help of grace. When we are grateful for God's goodness and beauty in the world we are able to more receptive of the deeper ways He communicates himself like in the Eucharist, encounters with people, the Cross. This reception is the cause of a response, to love and carry out his will. Be grateful, appreciate God's presence in your life.
Be Silent. being silent is a difficult thing, but in my mind it can be a way to listen. Paying attention and with great awareness of God alive in every moment. Taking on an interior silence that comes from God allows us to respond  to His graces and also to the needs of our friends, family, maybe those strangers. The beauty is that the silence is more than just not talking, it can be stripping ourselves of any noise that keep us from responding to God's love and invitation to serve.
Be Prayer full. learn the ways that help you pray and use that to be open to the presence of God. Prayer is simply having a conversation, there is no rubric and no guideline to pray. God is a Father who loves and listens to everyone. The church uses different expressions of prayer that have been handed down through tradition. The Holy Mass is a prayer of Thanksgiving, the Liturgy of the hours is a prayer of communion. The beauty too is that every moment of our lives can be a prayer, our walk, our talk, and our breath. Learn to be prayerful through the day, the great saints tell us that prayer is like a cleansing for the soul.

With these three guides we can respond to those moments of grace in prayer, in love, in silence and with grateful hearts. It's here in our response that we are able to see God clearly, his transforming light and his perfect plan for us. God through our action of love and prayer, will make his glory known as believers we are called to seek out these moments, listen to these moments that Christ makes himself known and pitch our own tents. Lord, let your glory be made known to us!

Thank You

Man...I don't even know where to start. The long, long anticipated date of being invested with the Capuchin habit finally found it's way around. ­­After two years of formation with the friars, I can say that there were times I felt like this day would never come. Spiritually, there were days that went up and down, over and over again. With resident candidacy and postulancy in the picture to help with my discernment process, I felt deep in my heart that I was ready to approach the novitiate year with a certain steadiness and completeness enough to where I can be stable in prayer and go to God with the surety that I would come out with an answer. I said I was ready to experience the year and experience the voice of God in the silence of my own prayer. As the investiture ceremony got closer, I tried to prepare myself...

Investiture

I asked God in my prayer to allow me to remember my faults, my weaknesses and everything that I had done wrong and ultimately get it all out, lay it all down so that He could take it all up. As they called my name a realization came to me, that as I was thinking about all this God had brought out the once feeling of shame and sadness and He had replaced it with love and an immeasurable joy in my heart.

That night it was hard for many of us to contain our excitement. We had just been robed with the habit of St. Francis, the garb of the leper, the garb of the lesser and those who had always been left out. This is what Friars wore for the past 600 years since the birth of the Capuchins, and 800 since St. Francis had founded the Order. That thought was circling my mind through and through as I walked around outside looking up at the california sky with millions of stars visible.

 And if you live in the mountains at all or in the country you know that looking up is sort of like looking straight into the eyes of God. And I think with that you get a powerful, tiny glimpse of who God is, and his infinite love for us. Even if it's only for a moment, it leads us to understand God and his divine care and unconditional love for each of us. In that moment, not only had I been invested with the Capuchin Habit but I was invested also with the reminder that since the beginning God had invested me with his love. It's beautiful to think about God investing us with his love so it was an amazing experience to share with my brothers.

Friars from Province of Mid-America, Fr Frank Grinko (Novice Master) and Fr. John Cousins (Vicar-Provincial)

Seventeen guys from the various provinces around the US

The thing is we are all robed with God's love, we are all invested with His love. Despite of our faults and weaknesses, God still places on us his love through the habit of grace.This has been the message for me.

  Lastly I want to thank everybody who has supported me in my discernment thus far. My family, you've been amazing in support and prayer, encouragement to fight and never give up. To my brother Nick, my sisters, mom and dad, Thank you. To all my friends from Lifeteen, WT Catholic Student Center, Pro-Life Bootcamps, DC March for Lifes, Conferences, The Knights of Columbus, everybody I've had the pleasure in knowing at St. Gregory's, the monks, seminarians, priests throughout my days. Capuchin Friars who have guided me on the journey the past 2 years, thank you. To those who have dedicated prayer time to me, time to write me letters and send me cards, thank you from the deepest part of my heart for your support and encouragements, it won't be forgotten. If I missed you, than I'm talking to you.
                                                                                                                                                                             Thank You,

                                         -Br. Vincent 'Vinny' Mary, OFM Cap

Newspapers & the Mighty Deeds of God

     

A couple years ago I had the privilege in working at a Vet home in Denver as a Resident Staff Member. I worked graveyard shift, often writing residents up for coming in late, giving them breathalyzer tests and making sure they were sober when they entered the house. Some days I would ride my bike to work, which was about a two mile ride from the house. As the normal shifts began, some of the residents would come in and talk. We laughed, joked with each other, they shared some stories on how they got where they are now or how they use to be homeless. At the time we had one resident named Mike, a New York native who grew up in Brooklyn. Mike would come in with his east coast accent talking about the girl he can't wait to see, or the red convertible Camaro he had in the garage outside. As the time for him to leave got closer, he mentioned one day that he had something to give me.

"Sorta like a memento...
I want you to remember me." 

So he left the office and came back with a black hefty bag full of articles and newspapers. Basically, all these papers from the New York Times that he had collected through the years while he was homeless in New York. Some of them were dated Sept 12, 2001 with the headline from 9/11. He gathered all these up and just gave them to me so I could remember him. That next morning is still a vivid picture in my mind, because not only did I have to ride with a 30Ib backpack full of newspapers, but I had to do it uphill. It was a long bike ride home, I think I ended up getting a flat that morning. But anyway, thinking about it now not only do I remember that day and the morning, but I remember Mike, just like he had asked. It worked, I hope you know Mike!

But yesterday as I was thinking about Jesus in the gospels, the images of my life came to mind. All of the blessings, the people that I've experienced, the different graces, God-moments, and then even all the madness and chaos. Everything that involves me being where I am today, is a work of God. In my mind, they are all great deeds that have been performed by God, they are in fact, His mighty deeds. 

Of the many messages in the Old and New Testaments, one might be for us to remember the mighty deeds that God has performed in our lives. For the Israelites, God wanted them to remember how he had lead them out of the land of Slavery. In the Gospels, Jesus performs so many deeds, to reveal not only the glory and greatness of God but so that the people could repent and turn to God.

I can just hear God, crying out to us, his people, begging us to remember Him and the deeds He has done for us. 

For us to take that with us on the journey that we travel uphill or downhill. Metaphorically it fits, that the black bag full of the deeds of God, blessings and battles should be placed on our shoulders and taken so that we could remember the very greatness of God in our lives. In those time of struggle, suffering or doubt. What we should do is pull out a newspaper, and think back on the many many ways God has been there for us, blessing us and providing everything that we need. "Think about such things" says St. Paul.

"Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things."  -Phil 4:8

Trusting in God: 5 Methods

With the Easter season in full swing the message of Hope and trust seems to be a constant theme for us. Jesus has risen, so we should have hope in finally conquering a death that keeps us from Christ. We should also trust that a greater plan is coming into fulfillment. The plan of light that is truly able to overpower the darkness or the plan of hope over fear, maybe even trust over worry. It’s that image of finally being able to see what has been hidden in the dark for so long. There are just a few things that have to be done so God’s light can reveal to us what it is we have been seeking the answer to.

                Discernment in the house these past few months has demanded another level of trust and confidence in God’s plan. I say that because of the darkness that’s been presented. It’s rocky and cloudy so I think naturally there is doubt and fear. Just like the Resurrection account we hear in the gospel, there was fear within the community of Apostles because they had no idea what would happen to them. The problem for many of us is learning how to trust God even when we don’t know and can’t see. Here are a few methods that have help me to trust in God’s working under the shadows of fear or worry.

Don’t fear! That’s right you’ve heard it a thousand times from Saints, writings, even in the Old Testament. Do not Fear. God is with you in your struggling and He knows what you are going through. The obligation for us is to turn to God, pray to God asking him for courage because He walks with us and accompanies us wherever we are being sent. He said this to His Apostles, sending them with His Spirit, but accompanying them in their journey. The challenge for us is to recognize that God is with us, seeing the Emmanuel in our lives and using that knowledge to stir up courage.

“God Is Still Good” This is a phrase that has come up in meditation quite often. To me it is being able to believe in the power of God’s love even when things go wrong. God never holds back His love from us, if he did just for a moment than we would cease from existence. This is proof that He loves us! So being able to trust in God even when you understand the consequences of being hurt is real trust. True trust in my opinion is moving forward despite realizing and recognizing those things that can go wrong in our lives. For me it has been a blessing to recognize my faults, to stand up, shake off the dust and say “God Is Still Good” and nothing has changed.

Jesus There is nothing better than taking those things that bog you down to the Eucharist. God brings so much to the table of the Eucharist, why would He not allow us to bring so much to him. Take those worries and fears and present them to Him. Receive Jesus Christ body, blood, soul and divinity in the Holy Eucharist. Find out if there is Adoration of the Blessed Sacrament at a Church near you. Saint John Paul II says “Jesus Christ, our hope, is a sure compass to guide you on your journey. Look to him and trust in Him, advancing courageously on the path to Holiness.”

Look Where You’ve Been …Imagine your hiking up a mountain. You start becoming more and more exhausted with each step you take. As you look back to see where you have been, it begins to push you because now you realize how much further you need to go. In Saint Paul’s opening letter to the Philippians, he tells them,” I am sure of this, that He who began the good work in you will bring it to completion on the day of Jesus Christ.” The good work in us has been started! A big part of trusting in God for me has come through reflecting on recent events or times in my life. We begin to realize that God was with us back then, and so is certainly with us now.

Lastly,  Remember God’s Faithfulness continuously meditate on the faith that God has toward his people, especially in the Old Testament. Countless times we see God always reminding his people that he is with them and that he will never leave them. He was there for the Israelites throughout the whole Exodus; He made it known to Joshua that He is with Him, for him to be strong and courageous in facing those enemies.

With these in mind, let us each place our trust and faith in God that He delivers us from all our fears and worries and place us carefully under his love. May we always work to strive to do your will, for the building up of your kingdom and not our own! Jesus I trust in you!

Saint Francis: Convert amidst the Darkness

In order that we might know Francis’s life and his sanctity in a way that attracts and stirs, we are given a beautiful description of what he experiences and goes through, specifically in his conversion. Francis, growing up in the time of civil war, wrestles with his service and his ego. He asks himself many times it seems, “Whom should I serve and how should I serve?” For him early on, it was his country that he felt he should serve through knighthood and being recognized by honor and fame. From the very beginning God placed in him this desire to serve. God fulfilled his perfect will by having him serve by becoming a lesser brother, taking on the clothes of the outcasts, living with them and caring for them in such a way that becomes attractive to many. During his conversion and transformation from being this loud, rowdy leader of bandits, he was called to more than that. He was called to be a quiet, calm and prayerful father for those who wished to follow his own radical way of life. We are told that Francis was a builder before he was a brother. He built churches as a response to God’s call; little did he know that while he was begging for rocks instead of bread and building churches, he was also building within him a home for Christ to stay in. Francis exemplified this in his life. He won the hearts of those he spoke to, and people wanted to follow him. I think they saw within him a love and a peace that was attractive and desirable. When he preached penance, people saw joy. When he gave to the poor, he gave freely. People began to listen to this sunny prophet who preached redemption to sinners and to sad hearts the secret of regaining joy and gladness. So many people were brought to the light of God by his humility, charm and uniqueness that men wanted to follow him. Francis, robed with a beggar’s garb, was designated as a guide. Some thought that a new form of religious life had been born; and disciples eager to follow it soon presented themselves.So he had brothers. A major part of his conversion was his solitude, contrary to that of the world, he prayed and experienced great conversion of heart in the darkness and in the caves. This area of Saint Francis' conversion can give us hope in today's world. While many times we experience the darkness of our days and our world, the greater aspect is that through that darkness lies a conversion very similar to what Saint Francis experienced. Places like the cave or in those times of silence and solitude is where Francis was formed and heard clearly the very voice of God and it can be the same for us. 
There is a fire to follow, but more importantly I think it has left me with a challenge to live like Saint Francis did. That is loving as best I can, in servicing as freely as I can and in being as joyful as often as I can. All three it seems are vital traits to adopt while responding to a Franciscan calling. In love, Francis loved his brothers and companions and also those he served. I think they recognized this rather quickly. In service, it seems that father Francis placed himself at the needs of those who were without. He did it willingly and obediently knowing that it was God whom he was serving. In joy, I have read that Francis was always in the spirit of joy, even in suffering, because of this he encountered God in the most ominous circumstances. To end, may there always be a movement toward these virtues that are the very charisma of the Franciscan spirituality. 
 

Mission Juarez, Mexico

Taken outside of Don Pedro's home, community members
joined us in the work.

Centro Mujeres Tonantzin A.C.

When we first crossed the bridge to enter into Mexico, I was surprised to see so different a culture and environment. It was almost instantly, so different that it was hard to believe the US was only about a minute back the way we came. It's a different way of life. We traveled 11 hours to a very poor part of Juarez, a small community called Anapra just northwest of Juarez. We were hosted by a community of woman from Centro Mujeres Tonantzin, a center of faithful people that are dedicated to help the people of their community by providing for those in need.

Don Pedro sitting outside his home

They build better homes for people, install efficient bathrooms, corrals for animals, gather for prayer groups and meals all in the spirit of good Catholic faith and witness. While we were there, the community came together to help an elderly man with his home nearly in ruins. He had a one room house made out of wood, a dirt floor, a few pots and pans, a bed and a small wood burner to keep him warm during the cold nights. Our mission was to build this man another section in his house. With the frame for the new section already installed, we started right away. With a few guys building a wall out of tires along the side of the house, a few reinforcing the frame inside the house, and myself on the roof, there were many helping hands on the site. We mixed cement, poured cement, shoveled tons of sand, painted the inside of the house, cut wood, moved tires, carried buckets full of water, and added plywood, made a door, and even had electricity installed. The very last day we all worked together to put up a new bathroom house. We dug out a hole and used pallets for the walls. With everything finished up we took a few last pictures and blessed the new home. Don Pedro was a happy man, his house was warm inside and I think that our work for him will have lasting impact on his life and for me to be apart of that makes every strain and sweat worth every bit.

a four foot deep septic hole,
how I ended up with this job I'm not sure.

The home of Don Pedro, with his new
bathroom on the left

a picture of the cement mixing crew

The new wall made out of tires that was put up
duringthe week, taken during the sandstorm

Some of the children we met during our trip.

I was really inspired by the wealth of the people, it clearly wasn't the kind of wealth that we have here in the US but a spiritual wealth. It was a different wealth that gave that inner happiness and inner joy. In my reflection I thought about how much I have, how much I have taken for granted those things that other people want so much like my freedom or inside bathroom. Here the people have so little that crime is hardly a factor because there is nothing. Yet, their possession is faith, their wealth is Christ. I could tell very quickly that these people are rich in Christ and for me coming in from a country that has so much. It made me want to be rich in Christ and poor in possessions. The people really made that life desirable because they have so much joy and happiness, even the children. Visualizing that happiness for myself really allowed me to examine myself and what I have. Things like possessions and desires, even my vocation. I think that there has been new light on my vocation, light that lets me see once again that desire to serve God's people no matter the circumstance. It allowed me to have a new motivation and fire to continue on a journey that requires me to be poor in desires and wants yet rich in Christ the King.

I am grateful for my formation directors to have set this trip up. I am grateful to have gone and experienced the very life and faith of these happy people. I think that witnessing their joy despite their troubles leads me to answer my calling even more faithfully and actively. Shout out to all God's people man!

Chaos to Conversion: Detachment

Hermitage day at Our Lady of the Angels Friary in
Black Forest near Colorado Springs.

There's a story in the Gospels about a man who comes across Jesus, and so he asks him what it takes to inherit the Kingdom of God that Jesus so often spoke about. Jesus tells him that he should sell what he has, give to the poor and then he will have treasure in Heaven. The man, walks away sad because he had so many things. (Matt 10:17-30) I love this story in Matthew, because it reveals to us that there is necessary a physical stripping of ourselves if we really want to build that still-shaky relationship with God. Not only does our faith require a physical detachment but I think what the Gospel is pointing to is an interior detachment as well. Detachment from caring only about ourselves, from restlessness in our own hearts, detachment from all the noise and chaos within. It's a two fold coin and I think the journey through that process leads to a true, healthy and happy conversion.

As Postulants, my classmates and I do various ministries throughout the week. The two main focuses are with the homeless and the elderly. Both require stepping outside the comfortable box we're so used to and putting ourselves in the very shoes and life of the person. The difficulty is understanding what they need and recognizing how you can be there for that person even if that means thinking less of yourself and what makes you comfortable. So often the people that we serve end up serving us in some way and for me in my ministry, the beautiful thing that we [my brothers] recognize is that these people, who have nothing, still have so much to give. Homeless are asking me if I am doing alright, and if I need anything. Elderly who are dying and on deathbeds are asking me if I have eaten or if I am okay. I have found it ironic that those who seem to have no life, give the most of it. From that lesson, I believe that that's what the gospel is calling each of us to do. Give up all that you have, so that you can be so immensely open and free for God that you are able to give every ounce to those who need it the most.  The calling is to seek a true poverty that always leads us to love as Saint Francis did. With that two fold coin, I have outlined just a few things that might help you and me on that journey to the Kingdom of God when it comes to detachment. Here are a few things that might help battle the consequences of obtaining material things, contrary to detachment.

PRAY- Praying is conversation with God, it's also understanding that somebody greater is in control, and we can't fight the good fight alone. So recognize that every day is a struggle in the spiritual life, a continuous battle that can be won. Pray always even when you don't have the patience to pray, especially in the silence. Pray for help, pray for conversion and pray for the grace seek God above all other things. Join me in this petition.

GIVE THANKS- It's easy to forget about all the things we really do have when we're living in it. Like the saying, "You don't know what you have until it's gone." So be grateful and never take life for granted. Be thankful for every circumstance and trial and show compassion to all those that you encounter, you might be the last person they have. Give your thanks to God by praising him and honoring him with talents and gifts. The greatest way of Thanksgiving to God is through the Holy Eucharist in the Mass. Join me in this petition.

In our natural born tendency to possess material things, I believe there becomes chaos in our lives, in our spirituality and therefore keeping us from really understanding and portraying a life of love and discipleship in Christ. For Saint Francis, once we knew that his own Chaos was preventing him from truly loving those people who needed it the most, he began living out the gospel, praying and praising God every moment of his life. It's the same for us, once we recognize our own chaos, there is a move and a desire for detachment with the help of God's grace. In our prayers, thanksgiving and praise we can begin a journey to conversion.

Saint Francis of Assisi, Pray for us

God our Strength: Hiding Place

There's so much going on in the world today, so much death, so much uprising, it's almost like the physical world is headed in the wrong direction and there isn't many options. With Donald Trump all over the news, Planned Parenthood, riots between races, court case news because of shootings in the world it's too much. There's no wonder why during commercial breaks there is always somebody who says, "What is this world coming too?" Not to mention sports and torn ACL's!

But in my reflection there is a parallel between the physical reality of everything going on and the spiritual reality. It's sort of like the world, full of disorder is depicting our own spiritual life, full of chaos. Chaos and confusion that leads us to doubt our own vocations, doubt God's plan for us and even doubt who we are. So much of our lives are full of stress and worry, or fear and anxiety. We're lukewarm in our spiritual lives!  So much, that there's no room for strength, or courage. The channels of peace and joy have been backwashed and taken over by doubt, mediocrity, fear, and ultimately death.

A few months ago I felt that about myself, I was struggling spiritually, there was chaos, and with that doubt and fear. I remember living those few weeks just going through the motions, not really striving for anything. All I did was enough to get by. I was in a grave, I was just bored of things that were going on. In my prayer I turned to God and what helped was his presence and I was able to  recognize that God allows all of this to show us, in a real intimate way, what it is that we really desire. The reminder is that there is a heaven that we can work for! There is a greater place and a relationship with Christ that is waiting to unfold. All we have to do is seek the help Christ gives us. Seek him, turn to him in his hiding place and the effects of that is endless grace and joy. With it we can never be bored, lukewarm, stressed, scared or bland. We can do great things with the Spirit, all we have to do is seek Christ and his loving shelter that he provides. So for any of my friends battling with fear, stress, worry, or sort of a "gray" spiritual life. Just remember that God has never left you, that he is our hiding place and by that we are strengthened by Him.


The prayer is now a song on my soundcloud titled, My Hiding Place. You can listen to here at the link below. My Hiding Place